|
I'm nothing special anymore...
Well its 2014 and i'm 18. There is a couple of facts to start with. Over a year later and i'm still with my first ever girlfriend, which is pretty awesome as i was never one for commitment or really one for expressing my love for anyone either. My mind...Well i won't go there, its still jumbled up and a bit of a mess but i've come to the conclusion thats how its going to stay.
My music tastes seems to alter and change everyday, even though it always seems to return to the same bands like Papa Roach, Heaven's Basement, BVB and Marilyn Manson. Music really does help sort me out, unless i'm in the mood where it doesn't help really then i usually try talking to someone or a few people, not about whats going on but about different things.
"Everyone gets scared" - One Republic, Stop and Stare. - Amazing quote right now as its so true.
There is so much i could vent about or type for a millennium about but it's 2.07am and i've got about 25% battery left so i will save it for another time, maybe later on today or something...Sat in the dark right now typing this with a bit of TFK in my ears as otherwise its too quiet. When this is done i need to write my girl her morning message to wake up to, something i do every night unless i fall asleep in the middle of it or fall asleep just before starting it.
Yesterday really was a strange day, kinda delved into the past and had a lil stalk session that i really shouldn't of done, as it always causes hurt and upset, especially when i know everything is going pretty well right now apart from the lack of friends and people to trust but other than that its liveable.
I'm not going to get started on the whole friends thing as i'd just get angry and upset as a lot of people have distanced themselves from me and to be honest i've distanced myself from a lot of people too, which probably doesn't help things at all but it needed to be done.
Just had a lil read through of what i've put up so far, what a jumble...
"Let the sparks fly baby" - TFK. Sounds appropriate right now as sparks will fly if anyone/anything pisses me off. I think the best way to describe me right now is like a lost puppy as my girl is asleep and i'm up, alone with only this and music to keep me company.
Yeah my thoughts...Thought i'd end up back here again, i can't deny the darkness in my mind as the thoughts seem to flow endlessly, i have days where i'm mostly alright with it all then i have days like yesterday where it just all piles up, even when i'm feeling good its at the back of my mind all the time, the feeling that people are out to get me and my nervousness when it comes to people, even when it's people i know i still wanna run and hide somewhere.
I don't know if i have a socialising problem or something but its just a natural ass thing, even at home i wanna curl up in my room behind a locked door and stay there in the dark with earphones in or hidden out of sight. The incense sticks i sometimes have in my room help a lil, aslong as my mood isnt too bad as i could watch the smoke for ages to help calm down, along with the lighter flames...
I must sound an idiot right now but i needed this to get it all before it builds up anymore. Probably will do the same later on after i've hopefully had some sleep to de-fry my brain and hopefully make my mind clearer. X
|
