I just don't know what to do anymore.

Aurora Borial · 15-01-2014, 08:18 AM

I know that I'm just another face in the crowd of people who need help, but I would like my voice to be at least heard... er... Seen...
Background-
I have a typical arsenal of teenage problems. The only problem is that I don't know how to deal with them. I have clinical depression, a result of which being low self esteem, caring too much what others have to say, and being anti social. My father fell upon cocaine when I was 13, and progressively got worse until the age of 15, where he punched my brother in the face and ran off to California to avoid the consequences. This left my single mother to raise a 15 year old girl and a 17 year old boy. This putting a strain on her, she has continually fallen into a worse and worse outlook, resulting in her taking it out on me, now of 16 years. My mother has always been my role model, so her telling me repeatedly how I am the bane of her existence is especially horrid.
My brother has anger management issues, and he refuses to take his medicine. As a result, I am his punching bag. He constantly degrades me, hits me, even so far as to push me to the ground and kick me in the stomach, whilst spitting in my face.
I met my current girlfriend (for the sake of confidentiality, we'll call her Stacey) about two years ago, and we've been practically engaged for one year. This would be great, if the relationship wasn't all about her.
Don't get me wrong, Stacey is a wonderful girl, and I do love her. However, she is always complaining about her life and saying how no one loves her and how no one wants to be near her, even though she is surrounded by people who love her, not to mention that it hurts me every time she says these things.
I've tried telling her that it hurts me, but she never did anything about it. I hate to use the term, but most of the time she was 'fishing for compliments'.
As if to wrap up the whole Stacey situation, she is schizophrenic and deals with depression and bipolar disorder. Taking this, and the fact that it hurts to think about leaving her, I'm sure that you, dear reader, can understand why I don't want to leave her. I am the type of person that would put my life on the line to save a stranger, so you can probably guess how I am about hurting the one I love so dearly.
I'm not going to lie, I have tried to commit suicide many times, and I've been through pill popping. I don't want to do that anymore. I just want to make it better.

If you have any insight, I really need to hear it. As far as biased opinions and telling me what you think I ought to hear, I've heard it all one to many times. I need objective advice. Thank you, dear reader, for hearing me out, even if all you do is give me a virtual hug.

sherlock holmes · 15-01-2014, 03:59 PM

Sorry to hear about your home life, it sounds very challenging. I know you are 16 but is there any way you could move out or is that not an option? Are there any other relatives or friends you could stay with?

Have you considered that maybe Stacey doesn't feel loved because she is depressed? She might not be fishing for compliments, but she might have a very low self esteem like you from being depressed. Or if she IS wanting attention then that also means something is not right with her. It takes a lot of patience being with someone who has mental health problems, and is especially difficult considering you also have mental health problems.

Do you currently see any health professionals like a psychiatrist? If not, I think it would be a good idea to see about getting some therapy to help you deal with your problems.

Aurora Borial · 16-01-2014, 07:02 AM

I do not, regretfully, have anywhere else to stay. Most of my family lives out of state, and the only person that would consider taking me in was my Aunt, who died two years ago.

I don't think that Stacey is depressed, she seems to be showing all the signs against it. She isn't sad all the time, she just seems to want to rant about how bad her life is to her all the time. As clinical depression runs in my family, I've become accustomed to finding the signs of depression. However, with her bipolar disorder, the signs might be different. I will have to look into that.

As for therapists and psychiatrists, I was seeing one about once a week, but we dropped her because she didn't want to help, she just wanted to focus on finding ways to ignore the symptoms and act happy.

Thank you for your insight