Adult - not liking being treated well (discussion please)

[ButterflyKisses]

I have a new boyfriend who is really genuinely loverly. He's treating me like a princess. but thing is i'm finding it really weird, i'm not used to being treated like sumone really special. and tbh I don't like it.. I almost like a guy thats gunna mess u abt a bit, it's too easy to be treated like a princess.

And I guess it doesnt feel right cos I have so much self hate, that I dont like it when someone really cares for me like that, cos i dont think I deserve it. it doesnt feel right.

Same in bed too, I'm one of those ppl who like to feel dominated, like I'm not in control.

Is anyone understanding this? I know the sex thing is common, but can anyone understand not wanting to be treated really well?

Anyway, discuss..

[BeautyFiend]

I get where you're coming from.
It's sickening.
Really sickening.
He probably just thinks he's being a 'gentleman' though...
Equality, init. =]

[magickit]

i know wot u mean, it is relli weird wen people r nice in that way. it makes u more self conscious, well, it makes me more self conscious and i get all nervous about myself cos i dont understand why theyredoing it, like theyre suddenly guna change n if i get too comfortable it'll all go wrong.
ive never liked that kinda of attention its not like i have ne reason to deserve it n i know that feeling. its not nice, i get relli annoyd at people wen theyre too nice all the time, it relli puts me off someone sumtimes, do u get that?

its annoying havin those kind of thoughts in ur head, but thats just the way it is. wish people wud just be nasty sumtimes so u have a real reason to dislike them

x

[Sharloid.]

"You can't be loved until you love yourself" kind of thing springs to mind. I guess, if you can't handle somebody treating you right, then a relationship can't really work can it.

[SugarKane]

Hmm I do sometimes feel like I don't deserve for my bloke to be so nice to me all the time, and forgiving for some of the things I've done...

[ButterflyKisses]

yeh i understand what all of you are saying.

its weird cos often the ppl i like more are the ppl that give me a challange, that I dont have much of a chance with, that will keep me on my toes, it makes it more exciting. does anyone else agree?

[Accidentally Abstract]

I like being treated nicely, but I can see why you'd feel the opposite.

Maybe if you're with him for long enough, you'll start to see that you are worth it and begin to like yourself more..? I have.. =]

x

[surprising mystery]

I like people to be nice to me of course but I am a cynical cow and when someone is 'too' nice I start to wonder what they want. :S He prolly thinks he is being proper and gentlemanly, but I can see why it makes you uncomfortable as it would me as well. Maybe talk to him about it and say you dont need all the special treatment. xoxox Take care and I hope it gets sorted.

[zorro]

Hmm. As a boyfriend, I know I'm guilty of shying away from making decisions, I'm not naturally assertive with women-it's a deep-seated, and totally genuine, fear that I'll inadvertantly hurt them by doing so-but that's to do with mother issues I have, and I do make an effort to change it.


It's possible he's like me-but if it bothers you, do what my girlfriend does and speak up-he'll appreciate it as long as you put it tactfully. I don't make my girlfriend a princess-to do that would piss me off majorly, and while I'm not assertive, I'm not the sort of person who's up for being subjugated. I don't know how much sense this is making but yeah.

She's coming up for a bit over the summer and sure, I'll spoil her-nothing wrong with that, but as a boyfriend (and also someone who cares for his girlfriend as much as this guy seems to for you) I'd be really upset if my girlfriend couldn't tell me that something I can change is getting to her.


In the meantime, and without wishing to sound harsh, it might be worth thinking about how you view yourself-it's easy to put your own insecurities (i.e "I simply don't deserve him") onto him and say he's making you a princess, sometimes we manage to blow stuff out of proportion in our heads.


Just my thoughts, hope it helps a bit,



Simon.

[griddlebone]

my ex used to buy me flowers everyday. and leave teddies and stuff on my desk at college.at first it was like awww thats sweet you love me, but after a while it annoyed me so much. i felt like hitting him round the head with the flowers. i thought i was a right cow but it was really suffocating.

but yeah....i see where youre coming from and its alright to feel the way you do.i always going for people i have to work hard at to show any emotion and actually its crap and ive learnt from it.

you deserve him to be nice :)
take care.xx

There's nothing wrong with being treated right and stuff.

[Douglass]

I think after coming out of a relationship where I would walk to the shop in the pouring rain to buy my boyfriend food out of my own money to then cook it for him and serve it for him whilst he was busy playing games to then going into a relationship where he tells me to get my arse out the kitchen and see whats on telly. its actually rather hard.
I do not actually know where the line is between being lazy and being a slave. Even when people are nice to me I expect it to be a trick, like they want something or they are setting me up as a big joke.
its really hard, you just need to build on your confidence more.

[Sky]

hi there

I like many before, understand where you are coming from with regards to your thoughts. Have you also thought that perhaps you are afraid to let your guard down and let him treat you like a princess due to 'fear of the unknown'... It's far eaiser to stick to something you know and can predict then wage into new territory where you don't know what's round the corner. Sticking to what you like is a great way of pulling those barriers up and possible rejecting his treatmet of you, so if he gets fed up 1 day and shouts at you about your attitude you can quickly turn around and say to yourself 'see, i was right I knew I don't deserve to be treated like a princess'

All I can say is talk to him and tell him this 'princess treatment' is new to you and perhaps you could both take 1 step at a time and together you can start to work on your attitude so you do believe you are worthwhile and deserve this treatment. Because, I know you do, there's nothing wrong with being treated.

Good luck mate

[Mandimoo]

when you meet the right person all that flies out the window. i used to think like that, i hated the sickly sweet stuff....now look at me? mushier than a pea in heat. mand x

[Mimsy]

My ex was a sweetie. He really really loved me...never really lavished me with gifts or anything but did everything possible to make me feel wonderful. I loved the fact that he would call me beautiful and he would say that i was 'his'. The happiest time of my life. He used to make the decisions for us..be the man! I really loved it. I did do my share before I sound lazy! I would help him out with whatever he needed, cooking, cleaning and stuff. He truly believed that I'm beautiful, and he treated me amazingly.
I have huge self loathing...but it was eased a tiny bit in his prescence. It sounds impossible, but it really did happen.
Wish it didn't have to be over!! xxxx

[Metal_Juggalette]

One of my friends dumped her boyfriend once because he kept complimenting her. Now every boy she goes out with she has to tell them not to do it.
Try getting him to ease off a bit until you feel more comfortable with it...not sure if it'll help but could be worth a try...
x

[princesskaytie-leigh]

I know what you mean. After a few months of that my ex gradually calmed down with the treating me perfectly and started to act like a bit of a c*nt. Perhaps you should tell him it makes you feel uncomfortable?

I have no problem being treat like a princess. Because I am one. -nods-

[linder surprise]

i can relateee.
i've felt like that in basically every relationship i've had.

[phoenix]

i think alot of people who have been abused or generally treated like crap through there lives find it almost threatening to be treated nicely, probably because they do not know how to react to it, or are scared when it will change and go bad again

[OneLonelyTree]

I understand...its like you dont feel worthy of people being nice to you. i feel this way in all my relationships...not just romantic ones either.