Feel like im haveing a mental break down

[findingmyself]

I feel stuck nothing is helping im serious. I feel stuck and feel like im banging my head against a wall.
I have been too soo many therapist they have only hurt me. Im so scared to go down that road again and because therapy just makes worse for some reason it makes me worse. Therapy twice a week would probably help me but it just makes me worse because if they do something that hurts me it really hurts me which is not help its just adding more pain. Maybe I really do need to take meds again btu I just hate taking meds andI hate relying on a med to live. I wish therapy helped me but it doesn't. On top of that im dealing health issues arrgg and my parents arrg and stupid money if I don't have a job and make money I will be stuck in this house forever having money is freedom.

I don't know what to do any more I feel stuck I battle with myself every day which just stresses me out to do I don't know what to do any more I don't understand the point of living. I think I should just quiet college and just sit around for the rest for my lfie but then I also think to keep going to college to become a therapist because that is my passion iw ant it more than any thing but then I think I cant do I cant do the schooling to be a therapist but then I think if I never become a therapist I will just be depressed for the rest of my life regretting I didn't stay in school to be a therapist. But then I think I should just quit college Im just fooling myself ill never be a therapist . See what I mean im stuck ?????? I don't know what to do literaly nothing works but meds probably. I just want therapy to help but for some reason it doesn't. I don't get the point in living maybe there is not a God . I don't know what god wants from me any more.

[Wellingtons]

What has happened to make the change in heart? Last time you posted you were adamant you were 'stable' and mental health, psychiatry, and pharmacology were all made up to control people.

[Patchy]

Hi Lauri

I'm so sorry to hear that you're feeling so down and stuck at the moment. It does sound confusing and difficult for you.

With regards therapy, I do hear how difficult it is especially when a therapist hurts you. But I just wanted to encourage you to try to stick with it, even when a therapist hurts you. After all, therapists are human... they cannot get it right 100% of the time. But by leaving therapy whenever a therapist hurts you, and not working through it, it does leave you with an awful and hurt feeling that hasn't been worked through. Do you know what I mean? It is really painful to leave therapy and feel hurt... and it's really painful to stick with the therapist after feeling hurt... but maybe it's worth doing the latter, just to see how that goes?

My therapist has got things wrong for me on many occasion. It's taken me a long time but now I am able to tell her, she learns what does and doesn't help me.. and I learn how much of it is my transference, and also how to express my feelings in a healthier way. It's hard work, don't get me wrong.. and I've wanted to walk away many times.. but I really do believe it can help.

I don't know whether medication/therapy would help or whether a mixture of the two could help. Maybe you could speak to your doctor about it? It does sound like you could do with some support.. but of course by getting support it does mean relating to someone (a therapist maybe) who will, most likely, get it wrong for you at times.

You do have a lot going on for you what with your parents, college etc. I do hope that you'll do whatever feels right for you with regards college. It's your decision and your life, no one elses. Also I wish the same for you with regards therapy/medication.

Take good care of you
x

[Fire Fly]

Hi lauri,
I'm sorry you're struggling so much at the moment. From one thing I can see from all you past post is that one things remains the same... You WANT to be a therapist. You're determined to be it but you're just struggling currently.

[findingmyself]

Thanks. Yes being a therapist on day is my passion. I have been getting akthasia lately on psychiatric drugs lately which is weird never had a problem before taking them maybe my body is not responding to them any more so im scared to go on any thing because the fear of getting akthasia I have had it twice its not fun at all.
I may try a stimulant if it doesn't cause me to get akthasia. I have heard lots of people take it only when needed because it works the first time you take it. May try not sure going to ask doc.

Im feeling a lot better today and feel like I have hope again. I know therapist are not perfect. I have one that I don't see a lot she is really nice but I feel she doesn't really act like a therapist when we talk because it just feels like im talking to a friend with her. Ill figure it. Thanks all