Please please talk me down. Someone, please help me. I've SI'ed off and on since October of 2009 due to severe bullying and harrassment I endured from August 2009-May 2011, at my college I attended my first two years. I transferred colleges and have relapsed recently with SI. I've been cutting really badly over the past month and tonight I just feel like I have nothing left to live for. I really want to end it all and I feel like no one would care if I ended it. I have plans ready and just haven't acted on it yet but I'm freaking out and can't stop these thoughts.
Someone please help.
Last edited by cdcdisney90 : 28-04-2013 at 05:34 PM.
You can bandage the damage, you never really can fix a Heart.
Stay Strong and Be Unbroken.
Carrielee, 20.
Demi Lovato IS my inspiration.
It sounds like you're having a very very difficult time right now. I'm quite worried about you, can you let us know how you're doing? I'm sorry nobody responded earlier, but I can hear that although things are overwhelming part of you wants to get through this also, the part that has posted for support. I hope you're okay, please keep talking with us <3
Thanks for the message. I had a very scary couple of hours. All I could think about was ending my suffering and how I was going to do it. Then I talked with a good friend for awhile and she helped me brainstorm some coping and distraction techniques and that helped and then my mom locked up the stuff I was going to use to end it all. Now I'm trying to go to sleep in my sister's room because I'm afraid of being alone tonight.
You can bandage the damage, you never really can fix a Heart.
Stay Strong and Be Unbroken.
Carrielee, 20.
Demi Lovato IS my inspiration.
I really hope you do tell someone about how you were feeling last night. Do you have someone to talk to like a counsellor or therapist? Its scary feeling that way. Hugs to you (if ok)
I don't have a counselor or therapist actually. I just now told some friends/family within the last two weeks about my SI'ing. I'm terrified of feeling that way again and never want to. I was just in a really desperate and dark place and was planning on OD'ing and deep cutting my wrists to end it. I was hysterical and so close to doing it but my friends got me out of it.
You can bandage the damage, you never really can fix a Heart.
Stay Strong and Be Unbroken.
Carrielee, 20.
Demi Lovato IS my inspiration.
I'm glad your friends were able to get you out of it, it sounds indeed like a very scary situation to be in. I'm wondering how you feel about seeing a doctor and telling them what you're going through? They could refer you on for some support like a psychologist or a counsellor.
You've done an amazing job of coping so far by talking to your friends and your mum and not sleeping alone when things were so scary, I'm really proud of how hard you worked when those feelings were so intense, well done <3
I've actually made and cancelled three different appointments over the past few weeks with counselors because I keep freezing and cancelling last minute.
I have another for Monday and I'm hoping I actually make it there this time.
I ended up in urgent care tonight though. I cut too deep and it wouldn't stop bleeding. I ended up with three stitches and a lecture, which absolutely sucked!
You can bandage the damage, you never really can fix a Heart.
Stay Strong and Be Unbroken.
Carrielee, 20.
Demi Lovato IS my inspiration.
That would have sucked but I'm glad you went and got the hlep you need. You're being really responsible through what must be an incredibly difficult time and I just want to say I am really proud of you :)
I hope you can go to your appointment on monday *does a little cheer* you can do it! We will be here to support you when you're done if you need to chat about it.
if you get mad at yourself, people, problems etc it seperates you from the bright side of your psyche and delivers you to the dark side - which pulls you down into your own machinery. Best thing is to just realize whats going on and stop struggling by hating problems - thats like throwing fuel on the fire
Today/last night has been one of the worst of my life. I'm at this point where I can't do it alone and I'm tired of faking it and pretending its all ok. I still live at home and commute to my college (saves money by not having to pay for room and board, etc). Well my mom has not been supportive at all. I tried first to tell her about my SH in August 2012. She laughed so I shut up about it and continued keeping it in. It got really bad a month ago and she questioned me about a FB status I had made. It all came out and her reaction was to basically say if I cut again you are out of my house. You are an adult and I don't have to support someone with reckless behaviors and who is out of control. Two nights ago when I cut deep enough to need stitches she told me if I do it one more time I'm totally done. The urges were so intense last night that I had a full on panic attack, couldn't stop crying, was hyperventilating and thinking of ending it again. I did not sleep at all and stayed home from school today. Her reaction was to again laugh. I still haven't made it out of bed and just can't go on like this anymore. I have no real job yet and really can't move out until I graduate next spring but I can't do this anymore. I want a way out.
You can bandage the damage, you never really can fix a Heart.
Stay Strong and Be Unbroken.
Carrielee, 20.
Demi Lovato IS my inspiration.
I'm sorry that things have been so hard for you.
It is difficult when people don't really understand, self harm is a hard thing to understand for most people.
Are there any counsellors at your college that you could go and see? Maybe try and join some clubs or activities to get you out of the house for a bit?
x
I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!
See that's part of my problem I think. I have some underlying anxiety issues I think that have never been treated. I have made and cancelled three separate counseling appointments with the on campus counseling center. I have another scheduled for Monday that I'm forcing myself to keep.
I was involved with some clubs and stuff but as of today school is done for summer here. I'm not taking summer courses and right now I'm unemployed which means pretty much I'm stuck at home. I'm tired of feeling this way.
You can bandage the damage, you never really can fix a Heart.
Stay Strong and Be Unbroken.
Carrielee, 20.
Demi Lovato IS my inspiration.
It would be good if you could keep the appointment on Monday, they could really help :)
Could you arrange to meet up with some friends over the summer?
Or do some volunteer work if you are feeling up to it. I'm sure there is lots of fun stuff to do.
x
I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!
I am really hoping to try and keep it. I'm ready to get help for these issues and really know what it's like to feel happy again.
I am actually hoping to get a new job soon which would give me something to do, and I do plan on doing some stuff with friends too. I'm hoping it works out.
Tonight I just spent some time doing a friend "clear out" on Facebook. All of my issues stem from severe bullying/harrassment that I dealt with during my first year and a half of college. I just now went through and deleted any friend from my previous school who I either believe had some involvement (it was all anonymous), or at least didn't bother to stop it and it was really liberating. I feel like I'm finally ready to go to therapy and get on the road to recovery.
You can bandage the damage, you never really can fix a Heart.
Stay Strong and Be Unbroken.
Carrielee, 20.
Demi Lovato IS my inspiration.
Do you think you would be able to talk to your mum about what is going on for you at the moment? I hope the clear out (or facebook cull as I like to call them!) was helpful for you.
It doesn't matter where you come from; it matters where you go.
No-one gets remembered for the things they didn't do.
We won't all be here this time next year,
so while you can take a picture of us.
We're definitely going to hell,
but we'll have all the best stories to tell.
I absolutely hate myself and my life. I hate living this way. I've given in to my urges to cut every day for the past month. My life is spiraling out of control and I'm tired of faking it around my family. Everything is about my younger sister who is the golden child and I'm the one who is truly hurting. My mom told me I need to grow up and get over it. She just doesn't understand how much pain I'm in and I'm having to get more and more secretive with the harming. I hate it. I hate myself. I hate my life. It would all be better if I just went ahead and ended it.
You can bandage the damage, you never really can fix a Heart.
Stay Strong and Be Unbroken.
Carrielee, 20.
Demi Lovato IS my inspiration.
I hate double posting and I apologize for doing it, I just really need some support. I don't know what to do or how to get my mom to understand how bad it is. I want to end it all so badly and just don't have the strength to go on anymore.
You can bandage the damage, you never really can fix a Heart.
Stay Strong and Be Unbroken.
Carrielee, 20.
Demi Lovato IS my inspiration.
its sounds like your going through a lot right now. is there anyone you can call to help you like a friend, family member or professional.
Have you ever confused a dream with life? Or stolen something when you have the cash? Have you ever been blue? Or thought your train moving while sitting still? Maybe I was just crazy. Maybe it was the 60's. Or maybe I was just a girl... interrupted.
I know what it's like to want to die. How it hurts to smile. How you try to fit in but you can't. How you hurt yourself on the outside to try to kill the thing on the inside. I tried groups, didn't work out just made my depression a lot worse.
