I feel so alone

[fifitricks]

When I was a child, I found out my father was having an affair. I was very young but despite this, I knew it was wrong and I knew it shouldnt have been happening but I never told anyone. I left it to one side and tried to forget about it and I was doing very well until I reached 15 when this affair was really getting out of hand. I had my ways of keeping track of what was going on and I made sure I was never caught. I still didnt tell anyone. I always believed one of my parents would die eventually and that if it was my mother I wouldnt have anymore to do with my father. When I was 17 my sisters who are much older than me found out and I told them all I knew. We confronted my father and he promised he would stop but he never did. After 12 years my older sister felt enough was enough and she told my mother. It was like a huge sense of relief came washing over me as I was now free of this horrible secret and she could be free from him too and we wouldnt have to have anymore to do with him. I was ecstatic thinking that he would now get what he deserved. But when she confronted him about it he lied for 2 days about it saying I made it all up and I was only looking to cause trouble. Eventually he was forced to tell the truth. My mother asked him to leave and he went to stay with my sister and after a month he returned to my home. I could not belive my mother left him come back here after all he had done. They began counselling sessions and started acting like nothing had happened. This all broke only 6 months ago and now they are back together acting as if nothing happened and sleeping in the same bed. I am disgusted by all this and cannot forgive my mother. I told her I did not want him to come back here and if he did I would leave. He is still here and they are still having their fake life and I am leaving the country, feeling like I have been forced from my home while he gets to stay here. I am so angry I cannot speak to my mother. She always says I no longer respect her but how can I when she clearly does not respect herself enough to leave the man who never cared for his children or for her? I am colpletely lost in despair and have no one left to turn to

[squirrelspit]

hmmm.

I dont really understand why you are so outraged about your father being in the house.. if youve known about him having an affair for 12 years, but have lived in the same house as him, i dont see how its so different now.

I think youre acting kind of childishly about the whole thing.. youre 17, youre almost an adult yourself, old enough to move out without having to make it into such a drama that you move half way across the world.

Peoples relationships are complicated, and sometimes the conventional doesnt work for everyone.

Surely whats important is that they are happy together and treat you well?

The kind of husband he is, and the decisions him and your mother make about giving things another shot to be honest are none of your business.

I would have said your priority should be how your mother is doing. Your posts suggest you feel betrayed for her for forgiving her affair, how do you think she feels knowing you have known for 12 years yet chose to leave her completely in the dark?

[talaiporia]

I think if you mother can forgive him, that's her choice, and if they want to bury it and forget about, everyone else should too. I can understand you having some resentment towards your father, but I'm confused why you're angry with your mother (unless I'm missing something)?

I'm sorry you feel so hurt and lost at the moment. Do you have anyone you can talk to about this?