Best friend :(

[Danceintherain804]

So here's the deal...

I had this best friend and his name is Adam. We snuck out on Tuesday night to get together. He has a girlfriend but we like each other and he was going to cheat on her, it's all very complicated and stupid. But he got us caught, and we've both been grounded since.

I saw him today and we talked and it was very normal just like it always is, and then he said that his parents said it would be a good idea if we "slowed things down a bit" and I didn't really say anything but I'm pretty sure he just best friend dumped me...

So I had a complete mental breakdown and have been kind of crying ever since and I'm completely falling apart because I relied on him for so many things and I don't know what to do without him...

[bitomato]

Hi Hun,
It doesn't sound like that at all.
You snuck out and there are consequences to all actions- you are grounded as is he. Plus if he is in a relationship with someone else, you both are not being realistic or fair to that other person or yourselves.

As cruel as it sounds, allow yourself this mourning period but try to also look for other ways to distract yourself; along with other means and persons to give support. I used to self harm more when my BFF wasn't available. But that is no way to live.

You are responsible for your own health and it is not good to give another person that much control over your moods.

Seriously consider that if he and you want a romantic relationship- then there can't be three of you. Otherwise, just be friends. Physical relationships come with complications and responsibilities- as a friend, he shouldn't want to "cheat on his girlfriend" with you as an example of "liking" you.

You are better than that. And there is nothing stopping him doing the same thing to you if that is how you both value relationships.

Take this time to value yourself and enjoy your own company.

[Danceintherain804]

I know that logically I shouldn't let my mood depend so much on him, but I don't know how to do things by myself and not rely in him. It's really quite pathetic, actually. And things will never be the same with us again... Even after we're both ungrounded, I don't know if our friendship will ever be the same after all this trouble we got into. And that really really hurts me.

[bitomato]

I don't see it as being pathetic- if you knew my story this is quite mild. In my opinion, a friendship is an evolution because you are both changing. Of course your friendship may change- and you wish it was how it was before, but if you are friends so you will remain. I have had weird experiences (I cannot have arguments without anxiety) and yet, my BFF is my truth............I trust that they will tell me if I am doing something that is mean or doesn't make sense.

Similarly, I know that by respecting my BFF and myself- a romantic relationship is not an option because if I use your case someone else is involved. And right now I cannot risk damaging our friendship because I do not have anyone else to support me.

Take it a day at a time. Honestly, my "distractions" don't really involve other people. I feel vulnerable and embarrased when I make new acquaintances because I "need" alot. But I know that my BFF is there for me when it matters. However, life means sometimes I have to be there for me.

Everything cannot revolve around them for my sanity and my safety.

I just want you to know that you are not alone- and true friendships are borne out of adversity such as these.

Spending time with other friends or by yourself does not mean you are giving up on Adam. It just means that you are investing in you.

I am sorry I am being so opinionated- but I really am against persons with mental health issues getting into relationships where they cheat on people etc. You are vulnerable as it is- don't put yourself in unstable relationships. There is more to relationships than physical.............

[JDenning]

You know I'm here for you anytime you need. and we have been talking for some time, so feel free to tell me anything you want.