Earlier this year I went to see a psychologist since i believed im borderline. She avoided the question and said "it was only the depression" (i have clinical depression) being someone who is fairly alone she also diagnosed me as having skizoid(sp?) traits(i now know this is B.S).
I returned to university and this is when everything went to $#%^. I started to get rely depressed and verbally abusive. Earlier today i got a fail grade on a assignment which i did while i was suicidal, so ripped it to shred's, I just couldn't take the anger and felt like a complete failure. This assignment was based around a field assessment which i had to do on a Saturday which included driving their (2 hours away) and having to spend money on petrol. While doing the assessment I cut myself mutable times, drank like a fish, i trashed my house and even abused my best friend (in my head that confrontation was worse then it was). I feel suicidal. I cant help but feel a deep DARK hatred towards that lecturer even though only a few weeks ago i gave him a real good review on the staff report sheet since at the time i viewed him as being 'very experienced and professional'
I have developed a hate for many of the current teaching staff and find their are only three i rely like at the moment (unless i fail the exams) because they are nice, though this changes constantly. How the hell am i supposed to take further courses again next semester with these people if i feel this way about them?
In class I can be disruptive towards other students at time as i have lashed out at people, despite that im well known and people seam to feel comfortable having me around and enjoy my opinion.
i am getting help from a uni counselor who is the nicest therapist i have ever met and unlike the majority is helpful I just wish she was able to diagnose me since i trust her enough to open up completely.
Has anyone else here done study and felt this way? how did you deal with the constant emotions? i can't shake this hate/love thing and the constant feeling of suicidal emptiness.
Wow, things sound like they are quite difficult and have certainly been very intense for you, too. Does the uni counsellor know how much you're struggling with things at the moment? Although she is not able to diagnose you, she is still qualified to listen to your difficulties about all these emotions and help you find ways to manage the feelings (especially so that you'll be able to work with these people next semester).
The psychologist you saw earlier this year, did they have anything helpful to say regarding treatment and support for you?
All I can say is don't give up, I know things are difficult now but they will get better. Getting grades back can be super challenging and while it feels so intense now, this intensity will ease. But it sounds like that weekend and the assignment were practicularly difficult for you with anger and self-harm, so if you're able to speak to a professional about managing these emotions that would be a great step.
I have told the uni counselor everything I fear lashing out and hurting someone. I talked to her for a hour today and find her to be one of the best mental health professionals i have ever talked to.
Im going to talk to the one from earlier this year next Tuesday unfortunately she isn't much for diagnosing and i wasn't in a bad mood last time i saw her. I think she might be in for a shock.
Ive been psych wards less stressful then uni, i swear, its horrible but i want my degree.
Maybe for the psychologist it would be a good idea for you to write down the symptoms/behaviours/thoughts and feelings that concern you the most at the moment? I recently did this when I saw my psychiatrist and it was a great help in me getting my ideas across and her being able to hear all my symptoms succinctly.
Really glad the uni counsellor is so great :) Did they give you any helpful strategies?
Has uni always been this stressful for you, is there a time when it wasn't so bad?
I have a learning difficulty and expectations i could never live up to. I compare myself to others too much which leads to drinking-self harm- suicidal thinking, still i cant shake this. People tell me i have to relax but i find it almost impossable and have 10x the emotion of a normal person. Just earlier today i was CRYING which turned to LAUGHTER, i cant control this.
I feel lost and scared i just want to be a normal guy buy can't, my emotions forbid me.
are you seeing a Dr or psych at all? Counseolors can't diagnose, they just listen, talk and advise.
Nothing more. They're not trained to diagnose really, maybe just spot symptoms and talk to dr's and psychs.
I 'm sorry you're having such intense experiences with your emotions, it sounds tough, but like snow white said, hold on a stay strong.
Additionally, I don't think it is a good idea to self diagnose, I think telling everything to a psych/dr is your best bet at finding out what is wrong with you.
