old news.

[Guest Visitor]

It's been a long time since I've been here. I thought it was all behind me; I thought I was stronger. So much has changed, but so much more remains the same.

Curiosity brought me back. How do I feel real again? How do I accept my place among the living? I'm suspecting that I was never really real... I was born with some kind of emotional deficiency that prevents me from being human.

I know all of the cliches and advice. I know that I've "done well" for faking happiness so long, that things will get better, that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. I just need to know how to get by - how to make it from one day to the next, without collapsing in a pathetic heap of weakness on the floor. I need to know where all my former strength and resolve has run off to.

I've been listening to the same song for days. I've been researching new and exciting methods of self destruction, and revisiting all the old favorites. I've been lost in this hazy cloud of confusion for months now.

No replies are anticipated here - I have been gone far too long to expect any kind words. I'll just take them and run away, leaving nothing in return. I always come crawling back when the warm, fuzzy feelings have evaporated. I am an emotional parasite.

[Mrs Sam]

I remember you.

Welcome back although I'm sad it's not for better reasons.

What's changed in the last few months that means you're coping differently? Are you able to access support before you slip down the slippery slope?

Take care

Xxx

[HopeRises]

Wow Nessa, I remember you. I was prolly under a different name back then.
Welcome back (although, sadly not on better terms)

What has changed to make you feel this way? I agree with Sam, if you can get help before you slip down into the pit of darkness, then that would be great.

[Guest Visitor]

Thank you both for your kind words.

The only thing that has recently changed is the incarceration of my husband. He's going to be away until August, and I'm not used to being alone. I've never truly lived by myself before.

I think I'm gonna be okay; I feel ridiculously selfish taking up space on this board, when my problems are so petty and unjustified. I just need to occupy my time with tasks of a more productive nature.

I'll be okay.

[PassedExpectations]

your problems don't sound petty or unjustified to me. they sound very real, and distressing. anyways, if you're feeling the way you describe, it is a problem that deserves help regardless of what is causing it.

perhaps you can make a point to spend more time with others until he comes back. don't let this isolate you, as that will leave you feeling worse.