I've always been a bit of a binger on and off since my teens but never to a point where I would have considered it an issue, as generally speaking I eat quite healthily and was maintaining a reasonable level of exercise. But the past few weeks I have been binging a LOT.
I'm at uni and not having a great time, I get bored and down then eat. It started with raiding what was in the cupboards. Then recently I've been specifically making trips to the supermarket just to buy loads of sweet stuff to get back to my room and eat there and then. I always feel so awful afterwards and say I'm not going to do it again, yet the next day I keep having to fight not to go and buy some more stuff. I didn't even have a proper evening meal yesterday, had a healthy/decent lunch then went to the supermarket and brought a load of stuff and ate most of it so didn't want anything else that I had in my cupboards/freezer. I then spent this afternoon scoffing the stuff I didn't finish off.
I've tried not taking my purse out with me, then I get irritable because the urge to get something takes over and I end up going back to my room just to get it and popping to the shop on campus. It doesn't help that whenever I want to go for a walk for some fresh air, within about 15mins I am right near to a shop or supermarket. I seem to have lost all resolve. I know I'm doing it because I feel so down and miserable and I can't wait until I go back for two weeks over Easter and see friends, hopefully that will cheer me up a bit, but I can already feel all my trousers getting a bit tight and know that I am gaining weight which makes me even more miserable because I definately don't want to do that. I haven't done any exercise since september either, I did go for a couple of runs in january but I have lost motivation to do that, i just want to eat, but that makes me want to cry and all I really want to do is curl up in a ball and wake up and all my uni work is done and the semester is finished and I can get home and be around friends and maybe feel a bit better. At the minute I feel as miserable as I did when I was in my teens and first started SI'ing - I almost wish I was doing that again as at least I wouldn't feel sick afterwards.
