Just to Put It Out There

abstract449 · 28-02-2012, 01:31 AM

I haven't been feeling well at all recently. There's so much stress now; though it's small and seemingly pointless things. I desperately try to be happy,because I ,love being happy. I hate it when the slightest thing is wrong. I hate it when my hair doesn't look good. I hate it when I get one question wrong on a test. I hate everything I do. What doesn't help is the stress of my dad retiring from the Air Force this summer--which means having to move to wherever he gets a newe job. Well, I don't want to move at all. It sucks here, but I've learned to love it. I've got great friends, a boyfriend I could never leave, and my sister is staying here for college. My parents want to desperately move from this state; and this is one of my major stressors. I don't care where we move in this state, i just don't wanna move out of it. I'd like to be able to see my old friends and sister once in awhile. I've talked to my parents about it, and everytime they say how I'll make new friends and how everything will be fine. No. Just no. I'm being cheated out of my teenage years. In these next few months I'm going to be diving into the most uncertain and stressful time of my life. And my parents can't comprehend how I feel. I can't go to anyone else for advice, or else I'll stress them out or they simply wouldn't understand. This is all intertwined with my SI and suicidal thoughts and such. At this point, i'd much rathere be dead than go through a huge change such as moving, and I apologize for how drastic that sounds. Maybe it's just my mood as of right now. There is no way in hell I could flat out say how much I want to die to someone--no way to tell them how much I SI. All the while I need to keep up my grades, practice for guitar lessons, work on unreasonable art projects in near impossible time allowances, and somehow keep things okay with my friends, boyfriend, and family. Though what I really want to do is just sleep. I don't think I'm really looking for an answer to my problems (though if there is one I'd absolutely love to hear it) and I'm not sure if I'm looking for any advice. Just a few listening ears--or in this case, reading eyes--would be more than I could as for. Thank you SO much.

PassedExpectations · 28-02-2012, 09:12 PM

hey, how is today going?

from what you've written, it sounds like you're pretty perfectionistic and hard on yourself. (please don't take that as something to berate yourself with though) if this is the case, it is important to recognize those qualities in yourself and work to counteract them so that you can be happier and, ironically, often more productive and capable.

i think that you should find someone to talk to, and someone who could help mediate a discussion between you and your parents... you could try talking with a school counselor or another professional. it is their job to help with stuff like this, it wouldn't be burdening them. maybe you could work out a plan where they can plan to move after you finish highschool.

i hate to break it to you, but teenage years for everyone are rough at times. most everyone worries about making friends, fitting in, getting more independence, and all that. you're going to deal with that regardless of whether or where you move.