Filched unashamedly from Terry Wogan's autobiography "Mustn't Grumble".
After two years without any contact with her family or friends, a young Irish girl returns home.
"B'jesus yer safe!" says her father. "Thank the Lord - we were worried sick! Why didn't you contact us?! Why didn't you let us know you were OK? The last two years have been a nightmare."
"Sit down, Da. There's something I have to tell you."
He sits down and she continues, "Da, I've become a prostitute."
"You WHAT?! How could you?! How dare you ..."
"Da, don't ..."
"Whaddyamean, DON"T? I'll give you DON'T! What reaction did you expect?! And what are you doing here anyway?"
"I came here today to make amends. I have the deeds for me Ma to sign for a £450,000 detached property in County Cork; I've booked you both on a "round the world" cruise for six weeks whilst the removal men take all yer stuff from here and move it to the new place - I've even arranged for a private designer to come and talk to me Ma about how she wants it fitted out; I've bought a horse each for the two bairns and have paid for their tuition fees at the fancy girl's school in Dublin - only the best for me little sisters! And I've got me brother his very own pub in Templegate - he can run it as his own and get out of that rough Tinker-owned Clover place down the road - he can make his fortune. And as for you, Da, just for you; here are the keys for the E-type Jaguar you always wanted ..."
"What is it you said you'd become?"
"A prostitute, Da!"
"Oh that's fine - I thought you said a Protestant. Come and give your auld Da a hug!'
Lol, coming from an Irish Catholic background - brilliant :)
Take too many pictures, laugh too much and love like you've never been hurt because every 60seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back
...don't be afraid your life will end, be afraid that it will never begin.
Then wear the gold hat, if that will move her;
If you can bounce high, bounce for her too,
Till she cry "Lover, gold-hatted, high-bouncing lover,
I must have you!"
Thomas Parke D’Invilliers
"He said look inside your heart/ And you'll see stars/ Falling stars/ Look, deep into my eyes/ Don't look down/ Or you'll fall, he said/ Here, the sky goes on forever"
Terry Wogan is pretty awesome :)
