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Can anyone help me help myself?
So I am recently diagnosed as BPD as of 4 months ago but for 3 years before hand I was diagnosed with depression. I'm almost 20 if that helps. Anyway, I've been with my boyfriend a year and a half and like every relationship we have our ups and downs and have broken up gotten back together 3 times (mainly to do with me being BPD) but I can't help but think I developed BPD from being with him, since my life revolves around him. 4 months ago just before I was diagnosed he broke up with me ending in a horror of events that really messed me up. after getting back together I realized that I rely on him for my happiness. Which is pathetic but just how it has come to be. Im on the antidepressant Pristiq but have been on many others and I'm quite the happy and stable, normal person. I have my down days that get intense but only after I've been drinking the night before. Pretty much the only reason I get depressed, paranoid or anxious is because of my boyfriend. We fight and I get angry and lose control but I have become so dependent on him for my happiness that at the thought of losing him makes me want to kill my self. And if I did lose him I would spiral out of control and all my BPD traits will show themselves. So what I'm asking is, do others that suffer BPD live relatively normal lives? But everything is so fragile and can easily be destroyed showing your BPD traits? Does it seem like I have been misdiagnosed ecause at the time, It did appear I have BDP but am normal now, but can easily change if something bad happens?
Sorry if this made no sense I can hardly understand myself!
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