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Contains abuse - Is this abuse? I don't even know...(complicated)
1. I think I'm having false memories of seeing a friend being raped by her father - her name was Kendra, we were 7 and I 'remember' it like it really happened. BUT my mum knows nothing about a girl called Kendra, and aside from the 'memory' there is no evidence that she even existed.
Another 'false memory' is me in the front seat of a car next to a man, I can say it was a blue ford and that the man was blonde, green eyes, mid-twenties but my mum says she doesn't remember a man of that description. I 'remember' feeling scared, and having a feeling that this man sexually abused me.
I don't remember anything else aside from that, from before I was about 11/12 years of age. AT ALL. My mum says that I had a pretty normal childhood.
I wonder if I'm 'remembering' things from a past life - I believe in reincarnation - or if I was actually abused and my mum just didn't know about it. I have a weird fascination/empathy with rape.
2. My mum (present time)
She wont acknowledge my depression and anxiety. I HATE going out on my own if I'm not meeting up with someone, and I have frequent suicidal thoughts, violent urges, and an obsession with eyes. When mum doesn't listen, I get angry and frustrated so she makes me sit outside even though I've told her this makes me feel extremely uncomfortable. I also have OCD, and have to sit in certain places in certain situations - my sister constantly sits in 'my' chair, and my mum backs her up...I know I'm overreacting, but the paranoia and anxiety is getting worse, and I've started hand-scratching when I cant cut.
Guys, I need your help because I really don't know what's going on. :(
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