Just had to drop out of my course for health reasons
It was veterinary nursing, something I've always wanted to do. I feel so gutted and like such a failure. Could just really use some support right now. I know it was the right thing to do as I wasnt coping with it at all or enjoying it, but I still feel terrible. I will reapply next year and should be able to come back in where I left off but that's not comforting me.
I'm sorry, I dont really know what I'm asking for here.
It's okay to post ~ even if you don't know exactly what you are looking for so please don't apologise.
I'm sorry I don't know exactly what to say because I think the things I would say are probably things that like you said, feel no comfort to you at the moment.
However, I really don't think that you are a failure. It must have taken courage to decide to leave a course that you so wanted to do and accept that your health at this current time made it an inappropriate time to study. You aren't a failure at all.
I can imagine it must feel gutting for you, and in fact I can relate to a course I had to give up due to mental health and I felt very sad and like a failure too. As you said, you can re-apply next year.
If you can, focus on what you need to do in order to be well enough to do the course next year. Also, are there things you can do at the moment to keep busy enough not to feel worse but not too much so you're not stressed? xxx
I'm in a similar position to you in that I might have to drop out of university for a year because I'm not able to cope with it. I'll go back, similar to you in that you said you'd reapply, but I can understand how you're feeling. What do you think about it? It might be useful to get your head together... please don't think of it as being a failure. It isn't at all.
It takes a lot of courage to admit that we might need some support and you've got that.
Thanks for the replies guys, it really helps to know that I'm not alone (though of course I'm sorry that you're in a similar situation).
I wish that I could tell myself that I did the right thing or that I'm not a failure, it's just that I'm so used to beating myself up about everything it feels impossible to not berate myself for this. I hate myself because I feel so weak that I couldn't finish my course.
I have a couple of groups today (which I hate) to distract me and I might be able to see my dog, but mostly just listening to my music to distract myself... it's not really working though. Don't know what to do.
But you *have* done the right thing. A year is no time at all in the grand scheme of things. There's no point in spending the year struggling through and getting minimal grades and destroying your health further. There is point in taking this year to make steps towards better health so you can achieve what you're capable of and be a healthier person whle you're doing it.
Use this time love. You've got it. Do volunteer work. Take therapy. Speak to your doctors. Keep busy and active and focus on getting yourself strong. Consider it a 'module' in your course. "The Healthy You Module". You need that 'section' of your course to be the person you know you can be.
I'm sorry you had to drop out of your course :( you did the right thing though. You need to take care of your health first and if school was making you struggle more than you needed to get away from that. It will be worth it, I promise. Next year you can go back and things will be loads better.
I agree with Jodie. A year isn't a long time in the grand scheme of things. It's nothing compared to what life is, so please don't beat yourself up about it. I do understand the feelings of being a failure and not managing anything and all that negativity but the thing is, you were actually strong. You were strong enough to drop out of college when you knew that it had become too much and you needed to take a step back. The strength is admitting that something's wrong and addressing that.
Think about how amazing it would feel to go back in a year or whatever's time and to have made an improvement on how you're feeling and what you're thinking and everything like that. This year could be used really productively so try to take it that way, rather than shroud it in negativity. I know that on my year out I'm going to engage in counselling not because I want to but because I don't want another year like the last few. So have a think about how you could best utilise your time?
I hope you don't mind me posting, I just wanted to say I have taken over a year out from my MSc degree in Genomics, and have recently decided I will not be going back, so I can imagine how you might be feeling.
I have been struggling with Bulimia and self harm (which is why I took time out) and the eating disorder just sucked all the joy out of everything in my life, including my course. I fell behind because I spent all my time thinking about binging, or binging. Then afterwards I felt such a failure I didn't want to study. I think you said you were not getting any enjoyment out of your course either, maybe when you are better you will? I felt extra bad when I dropped out because everyone has been really nice towards me, and I felt I was letting them down, which made me feel even more of a failure.
I think you are really doing the right thing. I did my undergraduate degree (just) and didn't get the marks I was predicted because of my problems. Then, I started on the MSc and have really gotten myself into a hole. I have to pay back the "living allowance" I was on (which I spent on binge food) and have strung my supervisor along for far too long. I guess what I am trying to say is, I think you are doing the right thing taking time out now, while you are getting treatment, so that if you want to you can return and do your best and have a better career as a result.
I really hope life picks up for you soon. I feel that Bulimia has taken everything from my life, socially, academically and physically but I hope I can regain it someday. I hope that when the initial shock of making your difficult decision wears off you will feel better. Just know your not alone. x x x x
Thankyou all so so much for your replies, it really does mean so much to me.
Quote:
Originally Posted by MeaCulpa
Use this time love. You've got it. Do volunteer work. Take therapy. Speak to your doctors. Keep busy and active and focus on getting yourself strong. Consider it a 'module' in your course. "The Healthy You Module". You need that 'section' of your course to be the person you know you can be.
I really like that idea Jodie, thankyou. I think that it would help to think of it like that.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Shine.
This year could be used really productively so try to take it that way, rather than shroud it in negativity. So have a think about how you could best utilise your time?
I'm really not sure... my teacher from my course talked to her boss at the vet clinic and I'm going to do some part time kennel work which is something I guess, not really sure what else to do after that.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Proioxis
I feel that Bulimia has taken everything from my life, socially, academically and physically but I hope I can regain it someday.. x x x x
Yeah it definitely has, and I hope so too.
To be honest I do still feel bad about it and still beating myself up though I'm trying not to. But I do feel kind of relieved that I've deferred until next year. It just wasnt worth it when I wasnt enjoying it and wasn't keeping up.
I guess all I can do is try and get myself better, it's just disheartening because I've been in this unit for so long and it doesnt look like I'll be leaving anytime soon (I have to come back after a week out for another admission)
Anyway I'll stop rambling, thanks again, if anyone has any ideas about what I could do this year I would love to hear them.
I'm glad that you're teacher's being so helpful and is setting you up with work experience. It's also great that you might be able to look at this like Jodie suggested - that's a really positive outlook!
Have you spoken to the people in the unit about how you're feeling?
Please don't ever feel like a failure. People take years out for all sorts of reasons; before, during and after uni. It's surprising how many actually do, to be honest, because I didn't realise it myself.
I don't have any suggestions as to what to do on your gap year - getting experience at the kennels sounds like a plan and perhaps you could start feeling better with yourself by finding some support to help you challenge how you're feeling? I know that on my gap year I'm planning to work a lot, do some reading/preparation for resuming study and am going voluteering abroad in India and possibly Kenya, if money will allow. I'll go back to helping at a youth group and will, reluctantly, go to counselling (as this is one of the conditions of my year out... yay). I don't mean to go on about me but there are loads of things you could do :)
Take care. Do what's right for you, not anybody else.
I don't really know what to say except that i'm here if you want to pm me because i'm going through the same thing right now. Psychology has been the course i've wanted to do for years, it was my reason for recovering the first time round but i haven't handled first year well at all. I haven't officially opted to take the year out yet but im at the stage where the decision has basically been made for me and i just need to accept it... anyway... here if you want to talk.
Use this time love. You've got it. Do volunteer work.
I have nothing to add that has been already said. If you are doing voluntary work, I would work with an animal charity if there is one in your area. Not only because it will help your self confidence, but when you come to reapply, it looks more in your favour, as it will look better. Not only does it prove you are still committed to animals, but it's in your subject area. Which all looks in favour when you come to reapply.
I know you said you are doing part time kennel work, but as you know, veterinary nursing is more than just dogs!! Volunteering with an charity that works with other animals means that you get practical experience with a broader range of animals, which means that if you may pick up more confidence when it comes to handling other animals (which helps long term when it comes to your practical stuff, as you will be handling animals which are in pain!). Even if you can only spare a couple of hours once a week, at least that will help. It will also help with your self confidence in general, which I am guessing, has taken a little bit of a bashing.
I think you are doing the right thing, if things get bad. The thing is with veterinary nursing is that you are in charge of another living being. (I know you wont be working as independently as if you were qualified, but still.) There is a chance that if you are struggling you could make a bad decision, or unable to take things in properly, which means you could fail either at an exam or your module. Or even worse, make an bad calculation of medication. Or even put yourself at risk (for example taking inadequate protection when using x rays) than you are now. It's better to take time out, make yourself better, and be able to concentrate more fully, and learn things better.
Wannabe CPN : -)
"He who is tired of Weird Al is tired of life." - Homer Simpson "I hear those voices that will not be drowned" Sanity is a nasty disease. The world would be a happier place without it. - Rilic
RIP Kat 4th July 1987- 11th June 2013
It's horrible to be where you are, I've been there and still am as I'm unable to work/study due to my health. But you really are doing the right thing. Sorry, don't have much to add.
