hey, i dont know whether this goes here, but whatever.
Everytime I see myself, i physically look different. I have no idea what i 'really' look like, its kind of scary.
example, one time i will see myself and i actually look a few stones heavier than i did earlier. (thats what i see, not what i feel like). or, my eyes change shape/ place, my nose gets bigger and smaller. My skin magically has a terrible breakout and then clears within a few hours. My face changes and i look like a picasso painting, all random bits of face that dont really go together and are not the right size.
I dont think i really change .. but i do see something different all the time. Sometimes it catches me off guard especially if im out and my eyes 'move wonky' or my nose gets bigger or im suddenly alot larger.
bleh. dont really know what this post is about. just confused and **** really. x
Do you a treating team? I would mention it to them. I know this kind of thing can happen with eating disorders and body dysmorphia but it would be best to talk to them as they will know what they are talking about
"Recovery is something that you have to work
on every single day and it's
something that doesn't
get a day off."
This happens with me quite a lot but it's related to disociativr stuff. It's happened since I was quite young. Even on photographs I see different faces. And sometimes I feel terribly overwieught (which I actually am) and other tomes I look normal weight.
I also feel very distant from myself but again that's related to dissociation.
My first thought was some sort of body dysmorphia thing...I know I probably view myself in...a different light...than other people do, physically, but I have never experienced my own image distorting in a matter of hours. I have had days where I notice more flaws than usual or pick at my shortcomings, but they usually subside. (Honestly, I think it's brought on by low self-esteem/depression at the time or history of ED related stuff.)
Anyways, I would suggest talking to someone about it, especially if it is distressing you. I highly doubt anyone else notices this when they see you. I don't mean to be rude/inappropriate, but do you have problems with any sort of mood or related disorders that have to do with psychosis? I only ask because of your picasso painting comment. I have body image issues for sure, but I have never experienced anything like that. Do you actually see your face change while looking in the mirror? Or is it a matter of looking at yourself at one point in the day, and x amount of hours later, you see a "picasso-like" image?
I hope you're doing okay and feel better soon. Feel free to PM me anytime.
I hope other people dont notice but when they look at me and stare, I think they do. Sometimes I see myself actually change in the mirror, sometimes I see myself and think eh, it wasnt like that before.
Asphyxia - i have had a variety of diagnosises, but they have always followed the psychosis with mood problems. The psych says delusional disorder recently.
I just got a letter in the post saying i have a meeting with 2 psychs on the 20th so I will mention it then. I have had a bit of CBT in the past for body image problems but i didnt really click with the therapist so it wasnt that helpful.
I dunno if I have an ED. I dont think so but some might beg to differ. I try to eat around people as not to arouse suspicion that I starve when on my own. So maybe, I dont know.
To be fair Ames, you don't even really eat that much when you're around people. And you've dropped a huge amount of weight in not too many months. So it's probably safe to say there's disordered eating, whether it's a "full blown" ED or not.
Other than that, I love you and you're beautiful x (sorry for uselessness!)
Wake me up before I change again
Remind me the story that I won't get insane
Tell me why it's always the same
Explain me the reason why I'm so much in pain.
x