do i -and how do i! - tell husband ...

jnr · 01-03-2011, 03:38 PM

husband is starting to ask questions about the marks appearing on my arms. asked me outright if i was cutting myself. i told him no and blamed it on my job. i kind of want him to know so i dont have to keep the secret any more, but im terrified of his reaction. i know he'll be angry and upset with me, and i desperately dont want him to involve my gp or any one else, cutting is about the only thing, i feel, keeping me in control of myself! all advice greatfully received :)

tifflehan · 01-03-2011, 07:40 PM

Telling my first husband was hard. He didn't understand and I couldn't make him. He used to try to "make" me stop. I'm glad I told him though because it was me, it was part of who I was. I was hurting. In the end, if your husband loves and understands you, he'll stick by you and help you in any way he can. PM me if you like. xx

jnr · 02-03-2011, 08:57 AM

thanks. i may just take you up on that :)

leenaRay · 10-03-2011, 12:38 PM

you ppl sounds likr balck swan its better that you should tell him n mayb u do that coz u feel alone n need someone to talk to by ur husband attention you will stop this bad habit

~Grace~ · 14-03-2011, 04:42 PM

I had the situation taken out of my hands and my doctor told my husband...it was awful at the time. But he seems to have accepted it and yet doesnt get involved with it...it was about three years ago that he was told and i guess it was hard for him to understand, but he never questions me or asks me why and i have always kept my scars and wounds hidden under dressings...thats my rule...i dont want him to see them and as i always harm in the same kind of place i guess its easy to keep them covered.

Good luck with telling him and hope he is as undertsanding as my husband is xx

Margo · 14-03-2011, 05:04 PM

Before you tell him i would gather as much info on the subject as possible. you can then tell him and also give him some supporting information to read. This can back up what you are saying. Re-enforce thsat its not something you have just "made up" and also it puts the onus on him to "try" and understand a little more.

hiding and witholding truths in a relationship will ALWAYS ALWAYS end in disaster. If you keep the secrets you will feel more and more alone and un cared for.

Of course he will probably try to stop you. thqats a natural and normal reaction though. Its actually a healthy one too. what we do is not "normal". Its hard to understand and only those who "do it" can really truely get their heads around it.

Dont hide and dont get in to a cycle of hiding. From my observations on this site when you do hide and cover up it does nothing but make things a whole lot worse!

very best of luck to you.

jnr · 16-03-2011, 01:28 PM

thanks guys. couple of days after i posted this, i looked up a website on the lappy with a 'info for friends and family' section, chucked the lappy at him and hid behind my hair! he was absolutely cool with it, said he had suspected, but he was glad i told him. i didnt actually say the words, but he knows now! i also keep my wounds hidden as much as possible. with 2 yound kids i have to! but he never says anythin, never stares, just accepts it and moves on. and im glad - couldnt be doing with big in depth chats every other day tbh.

x

pugdog · 04-04-2011, 05:07 AM

I'm glad that he took it so well. I dont cut anymore, but I still do other forms of si sometimes, and when my wife sees the marks she gets disappointed, but doesn't push the issue much. I hope that your husband is supportive and is able to help your recovery, if that is your goal.
take care,

-brian