Everytime ive done it, ive been getting out of the pain, but after the whole thing is over, i feel guilty and stupid and idiotic. Is it normal or am i abnormal?
On a possitive note; ive not had the urge to cut today :)
Thats normal and a good observation as long as you don't hate the truth of it. Objectively speaking SI is a pretty far out thing to do. Trying to see it otherwise would be a rationalisation. Such a rationalisation might make SI more bearable but it will also cement you to the problem and rob you of the urge to quit some day. If you can be aware of the guilt and awkward feeling and dont run from the pain - but also keep a light attitude towards it then one day you'll think of cutting and it will seem boring to you. What will happen is instead of you quitting cutting it will quit you. You can leave it behind with no struggle. The reason is that being objective ultimate breaks the spell of compulsive conditioning. Seeing whats true and not resenting it moves you back to your center where you real control and awareness reside. Doing something wrong is often not as bad as making the excuse for it - thats a form of psychotic denial. So you want to see the weakness and sillyness but you dont want to beat yourself up over it because that attitude makes issues worse. See the problem and it will resolve in your growing awareness and you'll be a better person for the ways you'll grow. Your already a step ahead of the game and don't realise it yet. You'll be ok someday not far off.
That is a really common feeling, because you know that SI is somehow 'wrong' and something that deep down you don't really want to do. You say that you SI to get out of the pain, but it seems to only cause you more pain in the end. Maybe it's time for you to look for an alternative way to deal with the pain that will be more beneficial in the long run. I'm really glad that you haven't had the urge to cut and I hope that it continues. Please remember that you can fight the urges, you have power over them. Good luck with everything, i'm thinking about you. Please get in touch any time. Take care. xxx
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
As you can see from the above posters feeling guilty after SI is quite a common reation and some guilt can often be a good thing, it really depends what you feel guilty for. If you're feeling guilty because you're worried about other people's reactions, letting them down etc then that can just make you feel worse and increase your sense of isolation. Try not to feel guilty about that, although some people can react in a negative way to SI that is not your fault and the only way in which you're going to get through this is if you get the compassion and understanding that you deserve.
On the other hand if you're feeling guilty because you know that it's wrong to hurt yourself then it shows that you have some respect for yourself that can be a good thing and can spur you onto recovery as long as you don't beat yourself about SI'ing. Recognise that you're using SI as a coping mechanism and focus on finding healthier ways to cope while still retaining that respect for yourself.
Kiran
xx
Everytime i get that feeling after ive done it, i keep saying i wont do it again but i do. i just wanna stop and i am trying but sometimes i wonder if i am trying hard enough.
It's really good that you want to recover, and I think feeling guilty after SIing is a sign of that! Are you getting professional help with it at the moment? That might help you with recovery as well :)
i always feel guilty after i s/i and often feel very stupid for doing it. its very normal. dont worry. well done for not cutting :) thats a step :D
xxxx
It's really good that you want to recover, and I think feeling guilty after SIing is a sign of that! Are you getting professional help with it at the moment? That might help you with recovery as well :)
Em x
I have a CPN, Psychiatrist, CMHT and my Doctor. Ive just litruly confessed to doing all this to my doc 2 months ago. Been doing it for about 2 n a bit years.
Quote:
Originally Posted by shadow-seeker
i always feel guilty after i s/i and often feel very stupid for doing it. its very normal. dont worry. well done for not cutting :) thats a step :D
xxxx
Its more of a hard task to fight with yourself and trying to refrain i have found. Wish it was soooo easy but hey, one day/minute at a time right :)
Well, sometimes after I cut there was just this high feeling- relief and a kind of very extreme happiness (almost the only happy moments in my life).
But sometimes there was only one thought in my mind after my mind "What have I done?". I was so shocked to see how much more I´ve cut than I had planned to do and sometimes, when I get dressed in the morning, I looked at my arms and saw how bad it looks like and was so shocked.
There were many times, I could hardly stop crying and shaking after I´d cut myself because I was so disappointed of myself and so shocked about what I´ve done.
I can't control my destiny.
I trust my soul. My only goal is just to be. (Rent)
I'm selfish, inpatient and a little insecure.
I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle but if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best. (Marilyn Monroe)
