Triggering (Substance Abuse) - Addicted to the rush

[SweetEscape]

Hey..

Not really sure if posting this will help me or not but I came here cause I know I am close to "slipping up" so what the hell it's worth a shot right?

I used to frequent ryl back a few years ago. Back then I was battling a SI problem, I haven't had that problem for the better part of 4 years now but really that's only because that's when my substance abuse problem started.

For the last 4... well, almost 5 years now I have lived my life pretty fast and ever changing. It's honestly easier just to name the few drugs I haven't tried then the one's I have. Everything I tried I loved and everything I loved I did way to much of. Everytime I'd try to stop doing one drug I just end up doing a bunch of another.

By the end I was living in a cockroach infested crackden shooting meth to keep me awake and smokin tar to put me to bed. Everyone else in that whole place was exactly where I was. It wasn't uncommon to find people smoking you name it on the stairs outside your door.

It was then I tried to clean myself up, which was really more just like an elimination of the "hard" stuff. I have stopped everything but smoking and the ocasional drink but I'm really not sure if you can say that's any better, it's not really any cleaner.... I guess if anything it's just a little safer.

I haven't touched anything "hard" in a year and a half and although I throughly convinced myself I had concured my cravings last week... This week I am not even sure I will be able to make it a few more hours without something..... anything thats different.

The sad part is... Is I know i'm better off now I have a nice house I rent, I have a job, I am clean... cleaner anyways. But I work at a homeless shelter, and I find myself getting jealous of the addicts I try to help.... Jealous they are high and I'm not. I'm not proud to say it but i've even seriously considered stealing substances I find during room checks.... thankfully I've never found anything.

how do you get through when you feel like this? when you feel like throwing away everything you've worked so hard for away for that next rush... I thought these urges would of stopped by now....

[carjunky08]

Im right there with you. I used to have the very same urges u have right now. Ive tried everything you could think of, but my main drug of choice was cocaine.

However, Ive been clean for goin on 4 yrs now. and i wouldnt trade it for anything. but not a day goes by where i dont think about goin back to the life i had. wanting to thorw everything away just for the high or rush.
But you are a strong person if you havent touch anything hard, congrads.

just hang in there, and i knw you'll come out on top. this quote has helped me so much "Im an addict, it will always be apart of me. but it doesnt control me". and if u need anything, dont be afraid to drop me a line anytime

[Ami]

Just wanted to say, well done, thats awesome, a year and a half.

Dont give up, is a few hours/days of being high worth all the crap? You've done really well keep going :)

[SweetEscape]

I Fail... :( Now it's only a matter of look at me go *sigh*

Can't you talk to a specialist? asap x

[SweetEscape]

I'm not even sure of where to start.. And I don't wanna loose my job or something because of it. Cause it took me a year to get it..