mom came to my room a few minutes ago to ask me if i ate five fruit cups. i told her i ate 3 (over the course of a day. who cares about timelines? i've obviously binged on them all at once! OBVIOUSLY!) And then she said that there's a whole lot more food around here that i've eaten. she keeps saying i binge too much and I DON'T BINGE! nevertheless, she knows EVERYTHING obviously and eating something=bingeing to her. can she stop saying things that ruin my self esteem? please? sometime? too much to ask? i just have to be good enough?
FUCKYOU, mom. stop saying shit to me about, we've had the 'stop saying stuff to nancy about food' talk SEVERAL FUCKING TIMES. not that do you are able to listen.
whatever.
i don't know. i can't whatever this. this bothers me, that she keeps accusing me of 'bingeing a little too much.'
i don't binge. I DON'T BINGE! I DON'T BINGE! I DON'T BINGE! Hear me again - I DON'T BINGE!
I don't know. i was hoping to have a fairly enjoyable night but now i can't get that fucking comment out of my head. going to my safe place where noone can get me. kthxbye.
The following content has been hidden - Reason : may be triggering
i do not care anymore. i will eat what i want in complete secret, by myself, and i will not hate myself for it, but fuck the judgemental glances and glares. fuck that. just because i am fat does not mean i can not eat. annddd why am i keeping it secret? who knows? maybe everyone is 'concerned' about what the fat girl is eating. 'concerned' people, mind your own fucking business for once. my stomach, my plate, MY BUSINESS! I will eat in secret and my mom will no longer know of what i eat. because she does not deserve that anymore.
I can see why it would upset you sweetie, your mum saying hurtful things.
But eating in secret usually makes things worse. After all, you have done nothing wrong so why should you hide.
Maybe do the opposite. Try to eat meals with your family (i.e. breakfast, lunch and dinner) and not snack too much in between to show your mum that you are not binging and that you can be trusted to eat normally and then she might not worry so much and leave you alone.
i just now ate around her, and the tension in the room was so thick you could cut it with a knife. she's made it clear what a problem i am :/. eating with people who are so unhappy with me makes me uncomfortable. i'm gonna try to not eat with them anymore. :/.
If it's any comfort my mum snoops around my eating too and i'm 28 and haven't lived with her since i was 20. I'm overweight due to some meds i was on and due to me not having the energy or motivation to cook proper meals for a loooooong, long time so i ate junkfood.
It hurts, the comments. I won't lie. But i do also know that my mum makes the comments because she worries about me and wishes for me that i would lose weight. She doesn't say these things to me to make me ashamed of my body or my weight (it took me a long time to realise that) but in her own odd way i think she thinks it will motivate me.
I once posted about my weight problems in the binging and overeating forum and Aimee in Wonderland gave me a really good reply in which she said that it's about trying to love yourself as you are and care about yourself and then when you start feeling ok about yourself it's easier to do something about losing weight.
And it's hard to accept yourself when your parents comment on your eating and your size. But they do it because they think we might need some "tough loving". I'm sure that if they actually knew how it makes us feel then maybe they'd think twice before saying something.
You care about being overweight. Your mum cares too. But maybe she needs to understand that her comments aren't helping anything and she should let you deal with it in your own way and in your own time. The thing is that when we start doing something solely to please someone else then it becomes a chore and an incovenience.
There are good ways of supporting and there are bad ways. I think it would be good if you could tell your mum how she could best support you in what you need to be able to live the life you want.
yeah...it's just that i really *don't* binge. like, honestly, i don't. more often than not i don't get hungry for days at a time. so, yeah. her comments are not helping.
It apparently doesn't matter how little i eat, or what i eat. if i take as much as my brother at dinner? she reminds me that other people are eating too, and not to eat so much. today she caught me eating and she marched into the house. i said 'hi' and she barked out 'HELLO' in a really mean voice. she's also hiding food as soon as i eat it. thats it. i guess i am losing weight because of her intimidation and bad mood -she's always in the kitchen and i'm always in trouble for eating anything. i'm not exaggerating. so....secret eating only for now on! yay!
