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I'm scared.
I'm scared my diagnosis is wrong. I'm scared this is all in my head, and I'm totally over reacting. Basically, I'm scared I could have Bipolar.
I've been diagnosed with GAD for a good few years now- in and out of the doctors, the phycologists, on a stable dose of medication. But because everything is suddenly being sorted... I feel like something is still wrong, and I can't explain it away anymore with 'It's the medication,' or 'It's untreated anxiety.'
I have highs, and I have lows.
Sometimes, I feel so happy it's like my chest could explode - everything is beautiful, and alive, and everything has so much meaning. I literally jump around my house. I laugh hysterically at everything and absolutely nothing. I feel like I can do anything, and everything, and nothing is out of my reach.
And then there's the other side- the times when it feels like there's a weight on your chest, all you want to do is curl up and bed and cry. Everything seems pointless, because it's all so, so trivial. Meaningless, ultimately. I feel so unconnected from the world, like I'm living in a different, inner part of brain. Isolated.
Sometimes, i will switch from a high to a low in one day.
Sometimes I feel only one of these things in a day.
Sometimes, I will feel 'normal' for days.
Little things will trigger these feelings off. Nothing things. The colour of the sky. Someone across the street glaring at me.
I suppose I've had these feelings for a long, long time, but I never realised what they could mean before- and I've always had something else to blame them on.
I don't want to talk to my phycologist. I'm scared. Scared this could mean something, and scared he won't take me seriously - and the whole GAD label makes that understandable, I suppose.
I think I'm probably over reacting, so I'm sorry.
Just- any advice would set my mind at rest.
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