Triggering (SI/Suicide) - I cant go on anymore. (also trig for sexual abuse)
I cant go on anymore, I just cant... Everything that i was living for has left me. My boyfriend left me for someone else after us being together for four years...Im soo suicidle right now, Ive never felt this bad, But nobody seems to understand...My mental health team say that they dont understand me. No change there then because i have never understood me. My self harm is completly out of control, my psycologist thinks im doing it still for attention. He doesnt understand what im going through... Last year i reported my dad to the police for the years of sexual abuse i suffered from him, There wasnt enough eveidence to charge him though, Because it happened years ago. I only said it when i did because i had to try and protect my younger sister, All the family took his side everyone just stopped talking to me.
But earlier this year i told my support worker that i lied about it that it never happened.. But it did just said that so could have contact with my sister again..I couldnt not see my sister grow up. So now my whole family are calling me a liar for lying about what happened.. But i didnt lie just had to say that to get back in contact with my sister.. Im not sure if i did the right thing now though, Is it better not to have family members talking to me? than them think im a liar? I do see my sister now, But im not allowed to spend time alone with her.
I just dont know what to do anymore, I've always felt like the odd one out that im just not good enough for anyone or anything or for life itself! Nobody would miss me if i was no longer alive, I feel like im invisible sometimes anyway like my feelings dont matter.
I just cant go on like this, I've been struggling for a number of years now and its not getting any better, Everything is getting worse..
When ive been suicidle in the past ive overdoessed then rang an ambulance so guess it was a cry for help in the past.. But lately if been overdossing and not telling anyone.
Sorry for wasting space on the board!
Im not worth it.
:(
Im back at my flat now, Asked the hospital psychiatrist can i go into a unit voulantry because i dont feel safe being alone in my flat and on my own at the moment.. He said no... Said he doesnt think that being in a hospital/unit is going to help me and that i have to learn to try and manage on my own..
I really have no idea how im suppose to stay safe when im feeling like this, its like none of my mental health team want to keep me safe.
If they dont, then why should i?
Anyway i have an appointment tmorrow with my psycologist. Will see how that goes.
Aw, sorry you are dreading it. I can relate to scary appointments but I hope yours won't be as bad as you are fearing. Is there anything in particular that is making you dread it?
Aw, sorry you are dreading it. I can relate to scary appointments but I hope yours won't be as bad as you are fearing. Is there anything in particular that is making you dread it?
Becuse last time i saw him he just stared at me and didnt say anything. Then at the end he told me he doesnt understand me.
Last edited by all-hope.lost-forever : 21-04-2010 at 07:16 AM.
Reason: spelling mistake
That sounds really difficult and it's understandable you are dreading it after that. I think it was quite an unprofessional thing to say, though perhaps he meant it to explain his actions. Could you maybe ask where he would like to go from here? x
That sounds really difficult and it's understandable you are dreading it after that. I think it was quite an unprofessional thing to say, though perhaps he meant it to explain his actions. Could you maybe ask where he would like to go from here? x
That is what is so hard though, because he doesnt ask me questions and i give him the answers etc. I go into his room sit in the chair then he says start talking then... Also he tapes what i say there always a tape recorder in there taping what i say.. But yes i will ask him.
I just got back to my flat... I really have no idea why i keep bothering to go, waste of time i think.
He had a go at me because my support worker rang him yesterday saying that she was very worried about me and my state of mind. (I didnt know that she rang him) He said that i should have rang him and told him, not get my support worker to do it for me..
Told him i didnt know she had rang him....So then he asked me how ive been and i told the truth told him everything.. About my self harm being out of control, about my recent overdoses, feeling suicidle all the time that i have also been planning when im going to end my life and how im planning on doing it etc and that things are changing and i dont know why and its scary. Like how i used to listen to music to get me trough the day and now thats not working, Then he asked me why i was telling him all this. Duh! He asked me how i was feeling and to be honest. So i was. Dont know why i bother though... Then he says that im in a bad way, I told him that, But he then said we cant go into anything else now as we havent the time. Will talk about it in my next appointment on the 5th of may..
So now im basically back to where i started from with no-one to talk to now until the 5th, Great!
I know i can talk to my support worker and you guys on here.
Got an appointment in 2 hours time with my social worker and psychiatrist will see how that goes i guess.
guys much appreciated.![[BrokenHeels]'s Avatar](image.php?s=b354378032cca1805feaf421129731d9&u=25696&dateline=1270576759)
