Triggering (SI) - All i wanted, was to be wanted...
This isn't my usual want to hurt myself. It's not late at night, on my bed, and not a faint itching to hurt myself.
This is full daylight, full blown need to completly self destruct.
Love hurts. Being torn hurts. People looking over you, looking past you, not caring for you hurts.
I don't know how to explain anything, because i feel so utterly useless over something so so small. But no one even cares that these small things matter or bother me. I hate some people so badly. But that all gets directed at myself. I hate myself so much i can't describe. I want to rip myself to shreds and and argh. I just want to collapse and not have any physical presence anywhere. I want someone to take me out of this because i can't keep up.
Everything is too much. It's built up and exploded over THAT .
Stupid.
It'll keep building up till i can damage myself enough.
I'm going to hurt myself - that's inevitable.
I need someone, to help me not trying to do worse. Or something bigger...
I'm so desperate to 'test the waters'. How much can i do before someone gives a shit.
I need something to bring me back down. I'm not thinking straight. I am thinking straight.
I can't cope.
I'm absolutly disgusting to even post this. I know i am. But i can't think of anything else and i'm afraid. I just need to hear some words. Lies. It'll be lies. No one can say anything nice or reassuring and actually mean it XD
I'm sorry you're feeling so bad right now hun.
People do care, even if at time it doesn't feel like it.
Is there someone you could talk to? Maybe they don't realize how much you're struggling right now? If not, prehaps you could ring a helpline? Could you try using distractions? Calming yourself down? Relax? (I know, easy to say, hard to do) Or you could think of better ways to deal with the 'little things that bother you'? Hope you're alright. We're all here for you. Take care. xo.
Thankyou for the reply.
I just can't speak to anyone because it's all in my head.
I wouldn't even know where to start with saying anything...
I'm sorry, i do the same thing every time with starting a thread then realising no one can say anything to me.
I need someone to sit with me, if that makes sense & doesn't seem selfish...
Life ...?
Everything seems to be changing & eveyone else seems to be finding out who they are. I feel totally useless in all this.
I don't know what is real and what isn't.
I know it's my own fault, but i feel sorta abandoned by people.
Sorry,,
My friends. Boyfriend.
It sounds so stupid to say outloud. But i'm not openly 'depressed', or cry like one girl used to, so i don't know. I feel like they're all pulling away from me. But im worried i'm pulling away from them?
& My best friend who moved over a year ago. I miss having someone to open up to, & hug. #
Thankyou, & for your support last night.
I'm feeling a little better.
I actually threw my blades away this morning, but that's just helped me feel more lost.
I'm getting by though - so i think that's okay.
