Hi, I'm here to ask advice for someone I'm really close with. She's recently developed some dellusions and just... ideas that are totally wrong and backwards. First of all, she's convinced that her recently deceased grandparents are in fact alive, and are just hiding from her. I think this started at the one year anniversary of her grandmother's death this month brought it on. It was so bad she was literally out in the street looking for them and travelling miles away to places they had been. This particular dellusion was fueled by someone really cruel in her life who said her grandparents were hiding because she did something bad, and she could find them if she looked hard enough. Also, that anyone who said they died was lying to her, and were the ones who was telling this cruel person to abuse her (which has been going on since she was very young.)
So, whenever I or anyone else who loves her tries to explain her grandparents has passed, she thinks we are lying to her and just saying it to hurt her feelings. She totally shuts down, and after something comforting my mother tried to say to her, that her grandparents were "safe" [in heaven] she believes they are with my mother! Everyone has tried explaining it to her in gentle ways, and giving proof such as the fact she has her grandmother's wedding ring, and other hardcore proof, but she just doesn't believe us.
Along with that, she believes it is October 2009. This just started a few days ago and... I have NO idea where it came from. Again, I gave her lots of proof showing it was March, such as news websites showing the date, and showing her pictures she took this past Christmas. But no, she says it's October. And I was thinking that it would make sense for her to think her grandfather was alive if she thinks it's October--because he died in December, but her grandmother's been dead months before that.
Her concept of time passing is also really delayed. She referenced an event I knew happened the previous day, and she said it happened an hour ago. Then 2-3 days later she referenced the same event, and said it happened 4 hours ago. I didn't want to say it was longer, as it was a traumatic event that would upset her more if I let her know how long it was.
Everyone who cares about her has tried everything we can think of. When we tell her hat her grandparents have in fact passed away, and the true date, she thinks we are lying and playing tricks on her. Psychs and Counseling are not an option.
Does anyone have any ideas on what to do? :( I feel so bad not being able to help her, with all this going on, and she's hurting so bad looking for her grandparents, and thinking they don't love her anymore!
Farewell the Ashtray Girl
July 12, 1987-April 30, 2010
It sounds like she's experiencing abuse related complications from her grief. It's not uncommon, especially when the person has been very close and there have been family conflicts. Bereavement counselling might be a safer option for her, do you think? Although complicated because she doesn't believe there's been a death.
I'd try not to get too hung up on the concept of time. Be gentle with her. It's ok to be firm, but don't bug her about it because of your own anxieties and pain it might touch in you. What she's going through is a defence, and is there to protect her from pain. She will be confronted with reality at some point, and I don't think this can be forced. You might encourage her to make a scrapbook about her Grandparents. That could be a gentle way, non pressured, and might even start to shift her.
Really she might indeed need professional support. But she's not a danger to herself or anyone, at least physically, so there's no immediate rush to force this, I don't think.
I know she needs to see someone, but it's not possible now because of circumstances I can't really go into. Not only that, but if I even get her to a psych, I'm terrified she'll be locked up.
Thanks for the advice. And a scrapbook sounds like a nice idea, but she'll think it's for them, rather than about them. If I suggest that she might think it's a present that will make them come back. I've been avoiding the topic of her grandparents as much as possible. :( I don't know what to do.
Farewell the Ashtray Girl
July 12, 1987-April 30, 2010
if these beliefs are that fixed they could become dangerous. she won't be "locked up" unless she shows very dangerous behavior. it's best to get her in before that happens and if it's already potentially life-threatening it's better that she get help no matter how unpleasant hospital is than to risk something happening.
