Triggering (Sexual Abuse) - Nothing

[~*Dare to Dream*~]

Nothing is real.
Nothing is there.
Nothing.

****ed up thoughts.
****ed up ways I could try to end it.
****ed up ways to succeed.

Not acting on these thoughts.
Not acting on these feelings.

falling apart.

Peice.

By peice.
Slowly.

Realise I am falling apart.
Breaking up.
Tearing apart.
Loosing energy,
Loosing strength,
Loosing faith.

Loosing the battle.

No conifidence.
No Paitence.
Nothing.

[Stellata]

You're real.
Your body is real.
Your heart is real.
Hope is real.
Your feelings matter.
We are all real, and we are listening.

[Mandimoo]

hang on in there Ann, you're doing so well.
if you visualise yourself falling apart, sellotape yourself back together. write words on plasters and stick them on yourself. 'i am strong' 'i can do this'. etc.
mand x

[~*Dare to Dream*~]

*Sigh*

I feel so empty
So emotionless
Just empty

Im not happy
Im not sad
Im just being

I dont hate him
I dont love him
I dont hate me
I dont love me

Just nothing.

It would help if i *could* rememeber
It would help if I *knew* what he did to me
To my body

But I wasn't concious
Just makes it so much harder to deal with
But easier to deal with at the same time

Its as if It never happened.
I know it did though.

[Mandimoo]

oh hun, don't torture yourself. its enough to know he did something and it was wrong. please try not to think about it, you deserve to think about happy things. mand x

[~*Dare to Dream*~]

I can't think about anything else.
Even if I try not thinking about it, I still think about.

Every morning when I wake up the first thoughts are is today the day I find out what the hells going on yet?

Not long to wait now though, well its long enough but not long.

I just wish I knew. I wish I could feel in control.
Im struggling even though I hate to admit it.
I just want to know whats going on.

I want to know what went on.

[Mandimoo]

you might have to accept that you'll never know coz you're only going to know what he tells them. you need to see your gp and get some specialist help, because you need to get over this hun, you're never going to trust what he says anyway because he's likely to limit damage to his own case.
mand x