Triggering (ED) - I don't really know what is happening.

Successful.Failure · 17-03-2010, 08:36 AM

For the past week or so, I've gotten about three hours of sleep (which in this time, I had a nightmare that a killer whale was trying to drown me >.<). I just can't bring myself to sleep. I'm afraid that I'm going to die in my sleep. This sounds stupid and crazy, I know. I just can't.

I can't bring myself to eat anything, either. I don't know what started it, but every time I go to get something, I think "I should push myself to see how long I can go without it." I've never had issues with the way that I look before or anything. I just keep challenging myself to go without it, and I have no idea why. If I try to eat, I get nauseous.

I'm not suicidal, by any means. Self-mutilator yes, but I absolutely do not have death on my to-do list for anytime soon. As aforementioned, I am actually afraid of dying, which is why I can't sleep. Literally, can't. When I try and get close to falling asleep, I completely wake up suddenly. I just don't know what to do anymore, I'm falling apart and I think I'm going crazy.

Help?

Lluviazul · 17-03-2010, 10:38 AM

hi! :)
you should seek professional help. and no, i dont think you are crazy, honestly :) but you say you dont know why this is happening to you and not eating/sleeping enough is something quite serious. i know you must be scared to talk to others (except us here!) about it, we all know what its like to be scared and hurting, you try to keep it to yourself. anyway, i bet my post isnt what you were hoping to read lol but i guess this is the best i can tell you :\ so please take care! ♥

makedamnsure · 17-03-2010, 04:10 PM

You should see a doctor about the sleeping, or try over the counter sleeping pills for a week or so until you get less scared. Realistically you are very very unlikely to die in your sleep, but you know that anyway! Try calming things before bed, don't watch TV or go on the computer. Try a nice bath or shower and read a nice book or listen to relaxing music to calm you down.

Please try and eat something, force down a yoghurt or piece of toast. I know how tempting it is not too sometimes. I tend to challenge myself a bit too but the longer you leave it the worse it becomes. I find eating something tends to break the habit, especially eating breakfast because if you eat something early in the day you don't feel the need to challenge yourself not to eat all day because you've already eaten. (if that made sense lol)

Good luck and if things don't improve then really think about proper help. xx

Successful.Failure · 17-03-2010, 06:09 PM

I made cupcakes for my dad at about three this morning, and managed to shove one down my throat. Thank you both, by the way, for taking time to listen to my rambling. I am absolutely petrified of going to the doctor though.

Successful.Failure · 18-03-2010, 07:56 PM

Update- I slept for about an hour early this morning and dreamt my dad killed himself. Humph. Though I woke up in the mood for something weird, so I made fish with rice and bok choy and shoved it down my throat.