Triggering (SI) - Marriage?

Kaitmeister · 04-03-2010, 02:11 AM

How do you deal with SI in a marriage? I've been married for about 8 months now and I'm still working on figuring out what to do about my SI - my husband knows I used to but thinks I quit in June 08 (which I did, but I kind of started again a few months ago). Telling him is not really an option right now, for reasons I'll not go into now, but I'm not sure how to keep it from my husband, who sees me without clothes daily. I have some stuff on my arm right now, which I'm hiding under an ace bandage behind a ruse of a sprained wrist.

I guess what I'm asking is, for those of you who are married or in relationships where you live together, how do you deal with it? Does your significant other know about it? How do you deal with it if they don't?

I know I need to tell him at some point, but honestly it's not an option right now.

Scarletdreamer · 04-03-2010, 03:01 AM

Hey there *hugs* I've been married for going on 2 years now and my husband knows every time that I do it. I don't tell him because he forces me to, I tell him because I want him to know. I don't brag about it, I don't use it as manipulation, I just use it as a coping mechanism, and when I SI, I eventually tell him, whether through writing or he sees the bandaid on my wrist and I tell him then.

I won't ask you why honesty isn't an option at the moment, but I will say this much: for a strong marriage, honesty is KEY. At least, that is what I have found to be true. You can't build a house on a shaky foundation. It'll fall. Not saying that you'll end up divorcing or anything over this, but a lot of pain and hurt can ensue if not carefully handled.

More hugs to you. Sorry I don't have any other words of advice.

inblack · 04-03-2010, 04:44 AM

I am recently married and while I don't SI often anymore I still do at times. Sometimes I tell my husband, usually just right before hes about to feel or see where I did it. But lately I just don't say anything about it, I guess he sees it, but its dark in our bedroom so maybe not. He doesn't say anything about it.

So one possibility is to maybe do it where he'd be unlikely to see unless you were actually in the bedroom, and then keep the lights off all the time, or get a very dim side table lamp.

Not really sure other than that.....

*hugs*

Merc · 04-03-2010, 05:48 PM

I hope you can soon get around whatever is not allowing you to be honest.
As April said, honesty is one of the most important things in a marriage.
It's hard to tell, it upsets the spouse, of course. But not knowing is even more damaging.
Hope you can speak with him very soon.

PoisonedApple · 04-03-2010, 10:56 PM

I stopped cutting before my husband and I met but to this day he thinks he's the reason I stopped... He isn't but I can't find it in me to tell him that or that I think about it every day. It's hard. I have alot in my head that my husband doesn't know anything about so I can relate to what you're saying. I don't want to hurt him and on another thought process I'm afraid to know what his reaction would be if he knew what was in my head...
As for previous relationships... they weren't the best partner chioces... the last 2 didn't care enough to notice em... the one before that freaked (I'll leave that at that as it went pretty badly) but if he knows you used to and is ok with that then it should be a better experience than my exes were...
I have no words of wisdom for how to keep it from him or for telling him for that matter... But I thought you should know you aren't alone in what you're going through. *hugs*
My PM box is open any time you need it to be...

venusbabe · 05-03-2010, 05:12 PM

Honesty may be best for a marriage but if you can't get to grips with what's in your own head, how can you explain things to a partner? I was married 18yrs before I started to SI and didn't tell my husband because SI was 'my thing' and I simply didn't want to share it with him. I always cut in a place where I thought it would go unnoticed. He eventually found out I'd been looking on RYL and asked me about it and then he told me that if he'd touched any of my scabby bits, he'd thought they were eczema. The time when you feel able to tell your partner will come around but probably only when you feel able to cope with his reaction.