diagnosis, hospital and all that crap.

[Morpheus]

I don't usually post in here but I thought I'd give it a try as I'm really struggling to deal with what's happening at the moment.

I'm in the hospital and have been for almost two months. It's all been very confusing. I was put in here for depression, then they wanted to treat me for Anorexia, then a couple of weeks ago I was moved to a different hospital where there are young people with schizophrenia because they think I might have that. That in itself is distressing enough to begin with. Suddenly being told that I may have schizophrenia and moved to a different hospital, all within few hours but on top of that, I'm told by a different doctor the day after that she's surprised that I was sent here because she doesn't think I'm Schizophrenic at all. This is the same doctor that tried to move me to a different ward to treat me for Anorexia even though that's not my biggest issue right now. No need to say I dislike her and doubt her judgement.

However, this has confused a lot. It seems like they are just trying everything and see if it fits on me. I feel like I don't know myself anymore and what I think I know about myself may not be true. I don't want to be schizophrenic but I want them to find out what the hell is wrong with me, so that I can get better. I know a diagnosis don't change anything but I need something to understand myself better, to know why I react the way I do or feel so ****ing horrible. I just need to know more, but all I get from the doctors are different information and them working against me and each other. It's so frustrating and I feel like screaming and punching them to get some answers.

Also, I want to go home soon, I think I've been here long enough but if they can't decide what to treat, I wont get out anytime soon. Right now, I'm not feeling much better than when I first came in here and it's frustrating not to be able to feel some change after almost two month. I hate being in here and I just want to go home, but I cant until I get better, and I probably won't get better before they find out what treatment I need. Everything is just going so slowly and it's hard to deal with when all you wanted all this time was to go home.

I also find it hard to cope with the way I've been treated, and how little the doctors, especially the one that wanted to treat me for anorexia, have been listening to me. I say something, they promise me it can be that way, and then they do the exact opposite and hope I don't complain. It's disrespectful and I'm so angry. It's been so bad in here, that my relatives are thinking about complaining about the way things have happened and the way I've been treated. Right now it scares me that I got another bad experience with this system because I don't think I would ever let myself get help from them again when I get discharged, not even if I need it. It was so hard to agree with this time and I only did it because of pressure from my family and all I got was another bad experience. It just scares me because I feel like I have no where to turn for help, if I should need it again.

I’m sorry it’s so long, but I could just really need some advice on how to deal with all this or support cause right now, I’m not coping at all.

[ferretmonster]

oh Qvaz :( I don't know what to suggest but it does sound awful, can you perhaps explain to someone how confusing and difficult for you all this changing and swapping is?

I can understand the confusion, I was dx with BPD then a different authority changed it, so although i prefer the new dx I do sometimes wonder whether they were right.

sending love and hugs and hoping all gets sorted soon x

[Sunshine]

*hugs* I was never transefered to differnet hospitals but i have had the problem of being told i have virtually anything and everything and it is annoying when you want is help and to feel better.
i hope you get out soon
x

[Stellata]

Isn't there a consultant psychiatrist in there who's doing the diagnostic testing? Have you even done any diagnostic tests - and had them explained to you?

[Morpheus]

yes, Ive had a diagnostic test a while ago, it was after that i was sent to this hospital. The psychiatrist on this hospital is the one I was talking about in my post. in the other hospital i talked to 3 different doctors, one of them who thinks I'm schizophrenic, the one there is at this hospital, and a third. I havent had a lot explained to me. it seems they tell me as little as possible to be honest.

Thank you for your replies. I think I will try to talk to them about how i feel as you suggested Ferret. I just find it very difficult to talk to them.

[xbeckyx]

Hugs I'm sorry you are having a bad time in hospital.
Could you write down how you are feeling and show it to them if that will be easier?
I hope everything works out for you.

[vetty]

u mite not agree, but have you thought whether a dx is actually essential for you? surely it doesn't really matter as long as you get better? hospitals often have to put a label on you for their paperwork! i spent 9 years in hospital, and every different doctor who saw me gave me a different label, but in the end, i got better, they were still trying to decide what label to give me.

[Merc]

^^ was going to suggest that.
Also, the talking to them. If you find it too hard to talk, could you write out what you want to say? Might take some of the pressure off you but still get how you are feeling across.
xx

I've had bad experiences with hospitals too, so I know how hard it makes it to accept help again. Could you try a different hospital if in the future you again need it?

as for the labels, I also find that very frustrating. I know people say you aren't your label, but having a firm diagnosis does help you understand why you feel and behave as you do. So I hope they can help you out. I do think you should tell them how frustrated you are. *hugs*

[Morpheus]

The diagnosis is important to me because i study the diagnoses I get to understand myself better. Plus its important for me to get the right treatment so that I can get better as soon as possible.

I don't know if they have that Irene but I think I might try to find out. As for writing it down, i think i will try that. I suppose it could help to talk to them about it.

Thank you for the replies :)

[Bitter_Angel]

Do you have anyone who can go to your doctor meetings with you? Family, close friend, social worker? Sometimes having someone who is outside of the hospital speak up for you can help. I know i used to have a social worker in there with me who would work in my best intrests to make sure I wasnt messed about.

[Morpheus]

I sometimes have my parents with me to help getting some things said that i cant myself. It helps a lot. However the meetings are often with such short notice that i cant have anyone with me.

Thank you for the advice.