This may sound silly... Stupid... Whatever you wanna call it but I feel terrible.
I hate myself so much.
The things Ive done. Most of it no one knows about because Im too ashaimed to tell. But I'm constantly afraid someone will find out.
I hate myself for so many reasons, I just wanna die so I can get another chance. (I believe in reancarnation)
I cant erase the things ive done, I cant even make up for them and I hate it!
Why cant I be someone different?
I cut myself, and harm myself in anyway possible because I hate myself so much!!
Why cant I just die already?
I hate life so much, I hate me so much. And thats never going to change. I know that. I will never stop hating myself because the things Ive done will always be there.
Life's just not worth the effort anymore.
I try so hard to try and enjoy life, but I just cant.
People say I need to help myself before anyone else can, and to be quite honest, I dont get that.
Ive tried to help myself. The last time i went to see my shrink I wrote him a note. I told him... not everything but an awful lot. About my suicidal thoughts, my self harm, even my kind of semi-hullusinations. I told him how iffy my eating can be.
And he did nothing.
I dont think he wants to help me.
He didnt even ask me anything about anything that was in that note. He acted almost like I hadnt given him the thing in the first place.
I wouldnt feel so frustrated if he atleast acted like that note exsisted. The only thing he did was date it, and put it in my file.
What use it that to me???
I still feel the same as always.
I think ive figured it out.
Im not worth it am i?
Not worth the damn effort. No one wants to bother with me because Im not important. Probably not gunna end up being anyone special. Im no one special now. Im less than bloody ordinary. I just
me. A blob. No one takes notice cause no one can be bothered.
Gahhh!
Why am I even posting this!!!
Im not worth anyones help.
No one should bother with me.
Gahhh,
Whatever.
