Just need to get a few things off my chest - not really a rant

[discovery_journey]

I saw gp today (not usual one). She showed me letter from psych I saw before i went on hols three weeks ago.

It just shocked me.

He said something like, "given the chronicity and complexity of Charlotte's condition"...

I know it may not seem like a big deal, but seeing it written in black and white got to me.

TEN years I've been ill....but I don't remember it you see. I don't remember a lot, thanks to ECT and the illness.

He also said in the letter that he didn't think I should be taking my niece and nephew to France to visit my parents, but he didn't feel he could be directive as he was new to my case.

As it turns out I did take my niece and nephew to France. It was torture. But I didn't feel able to back out of taking them.

It also turns out that my cpn knows about the relationship i was having with a fellow patient who I met when i was on the ward earlier this year. in the letter he said it could get complicated. why didn't my cpn air her concerns with me? I didn't tell her about the relationship because it was non of her business and she's not approachable.

other stuff happened today.....

i got told that the womens' centre counselling service wasn't appropriate for me. they are not experienced enough to deal with my issues.

i got some lorazepam and haloperidol from the gp. i just want to shut my mind off.

i want to be unconscious. i don't want to feel.

i was supposed to go to the Citzens Advice Bureau today for a talk about volunteering with them. I couldn't get out of bed though. It sounds stupid doesn't it. but i just couldn't move. now i feel like **** for not going. and it's all my own stupid fault.

i just had to get that off my chest.

[someoneiusedtoknow]

I can see how the letter's affected you, it does seem to be a lot of negative points strung together, and I see they might have made you feel like you can't do anything right - hence not wanting to get out of bed. However, that is not the summation of your personality, you are more than the things he wrote in that letter, and I think you should try the volunteering again! It would mean you'd do something for yourself, for your own reasons, and perhaps give you some confidence back.

[discovery_journey]

yeah, you're right.
i'm going to email the lady at the CAB and see if there's another time I can go in for the chat about volunteering.
i hope i've not blown it.

ha. you know i looked up chronicity in the dictionary ya know. It isn't even a proper word, it's not in the dictionary!

I could see why that made you feel bad. But they're just talking about your mental health, not all of you. I think volunteering is a great idea. :)

[88shelz]

in future it may be a good idea to refuse reading the letters
it always sounds worse when you read it over i think.
its better not knowing at times.