Rant - Letting Go?

[Perchance]

My grandmother died on Good Friday of last month.

I was closer to my grandmother than anyone else in my family. She's been sick for a long time, but I never believed she was actually going to die. We got a call from the hospital and she had, had another massive heartattack. She was vomitting blood. By the time I got in to see her, she wasn't conscious really.

I don't remember the last time I saw her, or what we talked about. I hate that. I can't remember. I'm starting to forget all the small things, and I feel like I'm losing her. I just want to talk to her again, hug her, anything.

Now it feels like everything is just collapsing in on itself. I don't know what to do, and I can't stop crying. I know I haven't dealt with her death. It's hard to because it doesn't seem real. I keep trying to talk to friends about it, but no one is around or cares to listen. And what would they say anyway? Nothing can fix this. I just need someone... I don't even know anymore.

I just don't know what to do. I hate this. I really hate it. I was there when she stopped breathing, and it's all I can see sometimes. I just want it to stop. I want my grandmother back.




that's my grandmother and I in the middle.

[phoenixflames_forever]

*hugs you* am really sorry about your gran i do know what pain your going through unfortunatley -my dad was the axis of my world.
Sometimes its very difficult to remember the good stuff when your in so much pain but they do come back to you in the sillest of moments and its like a small wave from them. Sometimes when i close my eyes all i can see is my dad in a coffin but that does start to fade trust me and the pain does get easier to live with and cope with.
You dont have to let go untill you feel ready to and in some ways of course you will never let her go because she was a big part of you,
But she would want you to carry on living and make her proud and sometimes that will seem impossible but we will all be here for you if ever need to talk.
If you ever need anything just PM me.
Take care,
Phoenix xxx

[Cazki]

Hey *cuddles you* Im very sorry about your gran. I cant begin to imagine how hard thi sis for you. Im sorry that your having such a painful time. We are all here for you, you dont have to go through this on your own. Have you spoken to a counselor about any of this at all? My thoughts are with you. This link is about coping with grief http://www.helpguide.org/mental/grief_loss.htm i hope that it is of some help to you. Sorry im not of much help.

Ian xxxxxxxx