I'm so sorry you feel this way. Birthdays often make things feel worse because you're reflecting more. What would better look like to you? Do you need to focus lots on your birthday? It's ok not to celebrate if that is an option if it's going to be a hard day for you. Or you could try and do something nice for yourself if that would help. Why do you feel like you are waiting for death? How would it be to step away from that?
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