My mother has been an alcoholic for as long as I can remember, it started getting really bad after my Nan passed away in 2004, and since then, she drinks every night, quite a lot, and it worries me so much.
A few weeks back, she got utterly drunk, completely wasted, crying her eyes out, talking suicidal[she says she wants to die a lot when she goes over the top], etc, and we were looking after my Nephew, she promised she wouldn't do it again, to me and my sister, and as you can guess, my sister was very angry, she was extremely upset from the ordeal, we both were, and especially as it was when my Nephew was supposed to be in her care, that really shocked me because she seemed okay a few hours before it happened, and I take what happens with my Nephew very seriously, and the fact she was so so drunk and distressed, so it kinda struck me hard.
My sister spoke to me the day after, we talked quite extensively, and she was saying she either gets help, or she never sees my Nephew[her grandson] ever again. I tried to get this across to my mother, but she didn't really want to bother with anything the next day.
My mother was quite hostile and isolated the day after, which pissed my sister off even more, and made me quite upset, too. But eventually she said she was sorry, and that she'd get help, but she's said this many many times, and never gone through with it, and whenever we talk about it, she either changes the subject, ignores what I've said, or says okay she'll get help and to stop talking about it now.
Well, since then, she's actually gone to the doctors this time, and every Monday, there's someone who she can see about this, and she made an appointment with someone I think, she wasn't very open about what's going to happen/how she's going to get help, but as far as I know, she's arranged something.
Now, for years and years, I've been desperate to get her to realize she needs help, but when I try and talk to her about this, she just dismisses it, and it makes it hard to want to help her when she seems to think it's nothing... it does hurt to be honest...
Her health isn't exactly the best either, she's got a few problems, and I'm thinking her alcohol usage hasn't helped it either.
I worry for her so much. I just don't know how to help her, support her, make her see she needs to at least cut down and get to the root of her problems and get herself some help... not just to help her with her alcoholism, but also to help her mentally/emotionally, she's got quite a few problems there too, when social services were involved they said as much, too, and it's pretty obvious.
Does anyone know how I could help her? Personal experience? Advice from people who are having trouble with alcohol themselves and what would be helpful to them?
I just want her to be okay. I don't want to find her dead from this or seriously unwell. I don't want her to feel crappy and hurting inside and keeping things bottled up and not getting help for that side of things, etc etc. I worry about a lot of things, and I just in general worry about her and love her very much.
Sorry it's so long.
I thought I'd ask on here... see if anyone has an advice/ideas/tips, anything.
Thank you for reading and replying if anyone does.
xxxxx
My Dad has problems with alcohol, as does his Wife so I do relate.
I think the only way for them to move on, is to admit them have a problem,, Health doesn't seem to worry them (I guess its kinda how we feel aswell, with our health, if that helps you look at it in a different way - What would help you?), My uncle Matt has liver problems now, & it hasn't stopped him because he's not ready to face up to his emotional problems. No matter what anyone says, it needs to come from them,,, obviously.
I have no advice other than be there for her & take care of yourself. I know its hard not to get angry & not to blame yourself, but do try & take it easy & not to take anything she says when she's drinking seriously.
Sorry this was pointless?! Just wanted you to know your not alone. <3
Thank you so much Helbaby <3 It means a lot you saying this.
I remember, your Dad, *cuddles you* I'm sorry if this brings up bad memories of it, well, all!
I'm glad she's made that step to at least get help, but doubts are filling me up, you know? How do I know she won't drop out and get worse again? How do I know she won't give up on it? How do I know she will even go and cooperate and try to get better? I don't. I don't, and from what's happened in the past, I've no reason to believe any of it, but part of me does... part of me WANTS to... because I can't stand to see her doing this to herself... because she deserves better... because I love her, no matter what she says or does.
I do blame myself in all honesty, I always do, always have done, doesn't help that certain people have said it is my fault, but yeah, I already do, I don't really need the memo!
Thank you baby, I'm glad I'm not alone with this, and that you can relate, I wish you couldn't though because it's not good you can relate but it does help to know you can...
*hugs*
I know it must be really hard for you living with this and I really do hope your mum can keep on the right track.
One thing is important though - she's really got to want to stop/cut down/get help. It won't work otherwise, same as with other problems. I know it sounds really harsh but sometimes it takes losing people through drinking for somebody to really try and get better. It might be a good idea for your sister to keep your nephew away so your mum can see just how serious this is, because that's really what she needs. I hope that makes sense.
I'm not sure if this service is in your are but check it out. I'm currently using the services and am happy to answer any questions about it or anything else you might want to ask.
Stay strong lovely <3
The only time you will find real light is when you're searching in the dark..
My sister is allowing her to see him only if she does get help and follow through with the appt she's got with someone, but time will tell if she has been making that up or just chooses not to go soon.
We have him tonight, and I'm scared, she said she'd only drink lightly, and on white wine, she was before, now she's back onto red again, and god knows what's next, bottle of vodka in the kitchen, so worried and ****ing just worried!
I know she needs to want this, I do... I just wish she could see how bad this is , and we're worried, and care about her, and she needs this help...
I don't know anymore what to do...
Thank you for replying love, I do appreciate and acknowledge what you're saying.
xxxx
Ya like someone said they have to want to stop. I know from personal experience.. ha. You ca say , well do this or that if you don't stop drnking. But from my exp once you do that still iffy if they gonna stop. Gone thru rehab & aa my fair share. Typical saying is a alcoholic ruins 7 relationships in their lifetime. There's antabuse, a pill. You can talk her into getting it.. if she says she will stop. I know ppl that took antabuse and still drank cause it made them more ****ed up.. lol.
All I can say is if you giveher an ultamatum *sp?* isto do it. If y'all say it put it off for a month or so... she prob won't think you'll do it. Till if y'all do it. But why stop with jzust a nephew? Idk id say y'all won't see her. Booze or y'all. Idk. I can understand being scared of losing them but you kinda are already... you an just make it on ur terms if it ends. Goodluck.
Some advice... tell whoever has the nephew too... if you're gonna talk to *the alcoholic* you should use *i* statements , not *you*. Ie.. I feel that your drinking is out of control & it makes me not trust the grandkid with you.
You statement... you drink so much you can't watch my kid..
If you say 'i', they will listen more. If you start with 'you' ppl usally get defensive & won't listen or care.
