Reviews Requested- Contains upsetting material - a conversation with a psych (story)

[emily cries]

so basically, ive been told i need to write about stuff... my experiences... but i cant. at least, not as me... its too painful... so... weirdly it was easier to change the name... but my life... i am lena, lena is me.. yeah, im just gonna shut up and write. Let me know what you guys think- any tips on my writing style are much appreciated for english gcses coming up!! (and yes, i know im switching between 3rd and 1st person but couldnt make my mind up!!)

So, Lena, would you like to tell us what exactly happened on the evening of October 17th 2001? i know its hard, but just take your time. No one is going to rush you, we're just here to help you get better; help you get through this and process everything that has happened to you.

It was around 3.00pm on October 17th 2001 and even though she was only 5 years old, little Lena Cross knew without a shred of doubt that the way mummy was lying on the floor was not good, at all. She'd just been dropped back from school by her best friend Sophie's mum. Normally Lena was pretty happy just to pootle round to the back of the house and go in through the back door, mummy would always be waiting for her when she got in, armed with a glass of warm milk, warning her when daddy would be back and reminding her to be very VERY good. Lena was always good; she didnt want mummy to get into trouble. But that day was different. Standing on her tippy toes to reach the back door handle, she was greeted by the sight of a dark kitchen with all the lights off. Quickly taking off her velcro school shoes Lena ran through the kitchen to the stairs, trying not to slip in her socks- if mummy was sick, she'd be upstairs.
She knocked on mummys door tentatively (daddy had always got angry if she didnt knock) but there wasnt a reply. Creeping into the room, Lena saw her mummy lying on the floor, unmoving.
'Mummy? MUMMY CAN YOU HEAR ME?'
Lena knew what to do if mummy went 'funny' or shaky, but this was different. Mummy had never been the odd bluey whitey colour she was... Lena couldnt help but think she looked slightly like a queen in a film she had seen with her older cousin once- very beautiful, very still and very cold.
Lena started to get scared... what if daddy came home and saw mummy was sick but she hadnt fixed her? That would make her bad... Lena didnt like being bad. It hurt. Suddenly she remembered what her mummy had once said to her,
'Now then Lena, if you ever find me and I dont wake up when you ask me to, you must call this number and tell them where you are, ok?'

So this was the point you called the ambulance? That must have been a very scary thing to experience as a young child... So what happened next?

Stop. Patronising. Me.

I'm not intending to patronise you Lena, I'm just trying to get you to recognise and acknowledge the feelings you must have felt as a young child- anybody would've found that sort of experience difficult.

Fine. I dont really remember how i felt... I suppose that was the first time i shut off my feelings. Crying is.. was bad, daddy said so, so of course that was out of the question. I suppose I was scared, confused... angry at myself...

Would you like to talk to me some more about that?

No.

Ok.. we'll move on shall we? What happened when you went home with your father that evening?


Im gonna have to stop there because my head is hurting but its weirdly therapeutic. So... yeah, what do you guys think? is it worth me posting on here? or maybe i should just keep it written in a notebook :) but then i wouldnt get feedback... Sorry, rambling again!!
Emily xxxx

[Tig]

I think it's very interesting and I like the way you have alternated between the past and the present. Writing is definitely a very therapeutic thing to do. I think it's up to you though whether you feel comfortable sharing your experiences here or whether you would prefer it in a journal. xx

[[Luna]]

You are so brave for writing this! It must have been very, very hard.
If you choose to write more, I'd love to read it xx

[emily cries]

thanks for the feedback guys, i really appreciate it :) took me quite a while to get all my thoughts striaght and stuff... its hard typing it down... but easier than speaking it out loud i think. Even though its tricky, i think maybe its a good thing me doing this, getting it out there, into the world... maybe someone will read it and think 'yes, thats like me' and then wont feel so alone...

[mikey]

If it helps you then please keep writing!

[Silent.Tears]

I'd love to read more. Writing i how I get everything out. x

[xXcanthelpmyselfXx]

I think your writing style is strangely addictive to read(: Please post more sometime if you feel comfortable!

[crazykat]

I like this, if you are finding this helpful I would love to read more