Triggering (SI/Suicide) - Scared of hospitalization

[hereforhelp]

First off - I know I need to go back to the hospital.

I hate doing it though. I haven't been inpatient in almost a year and really don't want to go back to it. My self-injury is off the charts, my eating is all screwed up and I don't know how much longer I can keep going on like this.

I think of killing myself almost constantly, and I don't mind. The only thing that stops me is thinking about how upset my best friend would be. I have everything I need but I can't bring myself to do it. I don't want to have to do it.

My therapist suggested hospitalization last week and I flat out refused. Now it's not really my choice. If I don't go willingly she's going to get a court order and force me to go.

The biggest problem that I have about going is missing school. My liscencing exam is the begining of December and I can't miss class with that exam right around the corner. I've worked so hard to get this far.

I've been to the hospital before, I know how it works. My biggest fear is that when I get there I'm just going to tell them what they want to hear and not get anything out of it.

I don't really have a question, I just need reassurance that I'm doing the right thing by going.

[Horizon]

I think you are doing the right thing. Take care of yourself.

[Casper_Fading]

It sounds like it is the right thing by going! you're in a really bad place (you've admitted) and you're not safe in any way. Is it possible to talk to your therapist and tell her your fears about your exam? Maybe possible to get a different date to sit the exam or even have time out of the hospital to attend class and that exam?

[abigalelynette]

well done for taking the first step sweetie.

your health comes before everything babe.
if your feeling that low, you need help.

i know you have other commitments..
but it depends, if you can hang in there untill after you exam.
or if you can go into hospital and use the time to revise while your there.

babe really do whats best for you.
please take care though, if you need to talk PM me anytime.

xx