Triggering (Suicide) - I feel at risk to myself! *trig for OD and SI*
I think I will call my CPN tomorrow and tell her how I am feeling, I obviously can't now because it's out of hours. But I just need some support tonight. I am feeling at risk of SI and suicide. I dont feel safe. I think I will be ok tonight I hope. I am so sad because I start college next Tuesday and if I start SHing again, I don't know how I'll cope with it all. I don't think I'm ready for college I'm so scared. I'm stressed and not thinking straight. I want to cut myself and take an OD and I don't know what to do I'm not sure what to do, what if I do it bad and need stitches!? I dont know how to control myself as I know it's the wrong thing to do but I feel so sad and down and stressed.
Hi Lyssie, sorry to hear you are having such a bad time. I think its a really good idea that you're planning to contact your cpn about the way you're feeling just now- is there not an out of hours team that you can contact within your local pcmht; might be worth asking for future reference if there isn't that you're aware of. I think my pcmht is a bit far out for you but the out of hour number for them is 017377781420- not sure if they cover all the way out to guildford but they might be able to tell you who do if they don't.
Please keep talking here if its helpful in keeping you distracted and company.
New starts are scary things, its horrible to feel scared and confused but perfectly natural. Try to comfort yourself in healthy ways- maybe curl up in your duvet and watch a feel good flick or somesuch. Call a friend if you need to, i'm not miles away if you need to ring someone( not sure if you have my number but i'll send you it by pm)
If you do need to self injure, and need stitches, the best thing you can do is look after yourself. Treat everything well and get help from the hospital.
Please know that you're being thought of and are cared for
much love
becci x
I'm sorry you're feeling so at risk, is there an our of hours crisis team in your area or are you able to phone a helpline if things get difficult? is there anyone who can be with you, maybe a family member or a friend? What is it that worries you about starting college? Doing something new and taking a step forward in life is scary for all of us at first but once you get used to it i'm sure that you will feel better about it.
Take each minute as it comes, you don't have to self harm or OD, you are in control. Stay distracted and fight the urges. What safe things cheer you up when you are feeling down? Maybe you could watch some funny films or youtube videos. Please stay safe, i'm sure that you can get through this. I'm here if you need anything. Take care.
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
I am scared of college because I used to get bullied badly in school and I'm scared it'll happen again =( I'm scared I'll fail and I can't take being a failure yet again after 2 sets of GCSE's and no success with my grades. I am going to be getting support at college as I met with my mentor today and she was really nice. But I still dont feel at all positive about the whole thing.
I called the crisis team and they said that they couldn't do anything as I'm not registered with them and they just said go to A&E, that didn't help at all and I didn't go to A&E. I don't know what the local out of hours number is for the CMHT. I just don't know what to do with myself and I dont want to talk to duty tomorrow if my CPN isn't there, they never help me!
In my experience, college is really different to school. The bullies do grow up, and because of how big colleges usually are, you hardly ever see them anyway. Colleges are usually really good too in terms of support, so try and think positively about that. If you do struggle with the work, i'm sure there will be plenty of people willing to help you out.
I'm around all night if you want to talk or just hugs or whatever :)
Heartbreak, incarnate, I'm nothing if not your memories.
Thanks Frankie *hugs* I've got a blade now I really want to use it =( I need to cry but it wont come out. I can't explain how petrified I am of the future!
Can you try and distract yourself on the forums here? Or maybe run a warm bath, get in bed and read a book? that's what I do when I feel like cutting. Is it the school thing, or are there other things you are worried about too?
Heartbreak, incarnate, I'm nothing if not your memories.
I'm just worried about my future in general and school too. I'm such a failure. I feel so anxious, I just want it all to disappear and I want to be safe.
Better, still want to harm myself but only a little bit today. I might go to my neighbours and talk to her because she's really nice and her son is diagnosed with schizophrenia, like me. But he has never self harmed. She is so nice to me though. I think I will call my CPN...
There was no answer at the CMHT office so I went round my neighbours house and we had a good chat and I staye over and had lunch with them. I feel so depressed to come home and I want to cut myself. I don't know what's wong with me =( I'm sorry for being the way I am!
I'm not sure what to do, what if I do it bad and need stitches!? I dont know how to control myself as I know it's the wrong thing to do but I feel so sad and down and stressed.
