Triggering (SI/OD) - I cant control my thoughts

philosophy girl 91 · 16-07-2008, 10:20 PM

I feel so guilty for posting again.
Sorry for wasting space.
I dont want to die.
But all I can think about is taking the pills.
Not enough to die.
Just enough to end up in hospital.
I have it all planned out in my head.
I know what Im going to do.
I feel like such an attention seeker for just wanting to end up in hospital.
I dont want people to think Im like that.
And I dont want them to think Im stupid.
Please help me...

Cazki · 16-07-2008, 10:41 PM

Hey please dont feel guilty about posting your welcome to post when ever you need to as much as you want. Please get rid of the pills oding isnt the answer and will only make things worse. Please dont od. Its extremly dangerous aswell as it causing severe damage, its really not worth it. Do you know what it is thats causing you to feel this way? Do you have any support? Is there anyone close to you who you could talk to? Try to keep yourself distracted, you could listen to music or you could have a look at the the distractions section http://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum...splay.php?f=22 or the big distractions page http://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum...ead.php?t=1403 Your not a waste of space or attention seeking at all. Please keep talking to us. We are here for you.

Take care best wishes Ian

Shenanigans · 16-07-2008, 10:43 PM

*cuddles*
There's nothing "attention-seekingy" about it sweety. Sometimes we can see hospital as somewhere where we don't have to worry about everything, where we are looked after and cared for. There's nothing wrong with wanting that sort of comfort.
Have you anyone you can talk to about how you're feeling?
*more cuddles*
Take care of yourself darling
Xxxxx

philosophy girl 91 · 17-07-2008, 12:22 AM

No, theres no one I can talk to.
All my friends are away on holidays.
I keep trying to distract myself but I cant get the thought out of my mind.
Its driving me crazy.
I have always had these thoughts but ever since I started taking prozac they are much stronger and I feel like I have to act on them even though I know its dangerous and I shouldnt do it.

SammiKins · 17-07-2008, 12:26 AM

Please, please PLEASE talk to your doctor or GP about changing your medication.

It could be the Prozac, when I was on it, it made my self-harm worse and I had suicidal thoughts.

Sammy x

philosophy girl 91 · 17-07-2008, 12:47 AM

I wanted to tell him at my appointment yesterday but I couldnt.
Hes too scary!
And I dont have an appointment for another 4 weeks.
I know how bad it would be if I OD'd. My dad doesnt know about the depression so it would be a real shock for him.
But it seems like the only thing I can do.

philosophy girl 91 · 17-07-2008, 05:47 PM

I dont know what to do.

xxhappydaysxx · 17-07-2008, 05:52 PM

Please try and talk to your dad. I can imagine how hard this would be - my dad has no idea either. But im sure any parent would rather you talk to them and tell them you are struggling.
Please try not to OD - it wont make anything better.

If your friends are away could you try ringing a helpline like the samaritans? I have rung them before and found it useful to have someone to talk to .

take care, keep posting if it helps you xxx

philosophy girl 91 · 17-07-2008, 08:37 PM

Thanks, I dont think I can tell him because he thinks people with depression are crazy.
He will hate me. My mum knows about it but she doesnt really care.
No one does. They think I am ok and that I dont need the medication.
=(

philosophy girl 91 · 18-07-2008, 07:37 PM

I sort of told my dad. I told him that I went to the doctor because I was having sleeping problems and the doctor told me I have depression and he put me on antidepressants. Close enough to the truth anyways.
So now when I turn up dead or in hospital it wont be such a shock to him.

philosophy girl 91 · 19-07-2008, 02:55 AM

It doesnt matter anyways

Namaste · 19-07-2008, 02:59 AM

I can relate to how you feel I've always wanted to end up close to death or in a hospital bed just to see how people would react. I sort of found out how much people cared when I went into inpatient treatment.
But please don't OD. It isn't worth it...

philosophy girl 91 · 19-07-2008, 03:24 AM

Thanks,

None of my family is taking any notice of me these days.
They dont care. I want them to care. My mum is too busy worrying about my half sister who just broke up with her boyfriend to notice that Im suicidal.

I want her to notice and to worry about me for once....
Im such an attention seeker.
Sorry for wasting your time.