Triggering (Suicide) - What do I do?

Breeze · 07-03-2008, 05:33 PM

I am at a loss.
I saw my CPN today and spent the whole hour crying and trying to talk so I could explain the level of unsafeness I feel.
I have only been out of hospital for 2 days and I'm ready to give up.

I really can't see this depression lifting this time. It is worse than ever and I don't think I can go though this again. I have the home treatment team comig this evening to give me my meds for next 24 hours and how do I say ''I'm really suicidal''? It is just 3 words but ones that I just can't say.

I have no idea of their level of 'power' if I do tell them.

I just want this all to stop. And fast. Please.

Breeze · 07-03-2008, 07:44 PM

And they came and gaveme my meds for next 24 hours asked how I was I said I wasn't good. They replied wel you got the phone number and left within about 5 mins.
It was a man and woman which is hard. I don't talk to men on a personal nursey type level they delve deep and I can't do it so I hav always struggled with that.

And now I have another 24 hours of just me and depression.

I don't want this anymore.

Tig · 07-03-2008, 07:48 PM

Hey Honey,

I'm sorry things are so difficult for you right now. It's very difficult with home treatment teams, it's hard to build up any sort of trusting relationship and they always seem to vanish within minutes of arriving and like you said, it's another 24 hours without them. I really wish I had something that would help you but I know from previous experience little helps. I can say distract yourself but I know that's not always going to work but if it does work for you then please do try. With your medication, have you got anything that helps to calm you down? Not that I advocate taking medication at incorrect times but could you take it a little earlier so there's a bit less time to worry about?

Lotti x

Breeze · 07-03-2008, 08:19 PM

Thank you for your reply.
I can take my sleeping meds earlier but then I just have an earlier wake up next day so I try and wait late as poss. They gonna see if I can have PRN meds brought tomo. I hope so may slow head and voices down.

I really wish I had answers I hate not having control over myself.

Tig · 07-03-2008, 08:20 PM

I hope they bring you PRN tablets tomorrow, it sounds like they might really help you =)

xxx

Cazki · 07-03-2008, 11:34 PM

Hiya there im very sorry that your having such a difficult time right now. *Gives you a big hug* Everything will be ok, i know that what your going through isnt easy but it doesnt mean that you cant get through this. Could you talk to us about what it is thats made you feel like this? (If you have one) have you spoken to your counseller how your feeling? Im so sorry for the pain that your going through. Ending your life really isnt the answer im including a link called how suicide effects those around you http://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum...ad.php?t=1405r

You can get through this please dont give up please keep fighting through this. Things wont be like this forever, things will get better. Be gentle with yourself try not to be too hard on yourself as that will only create problems. We are all here for you and we will support you for as long as you need it. We all care about you so much. I really want you to take a moment and think about how it would effect everyone around you if anything happened to you. I know its incredibly difficult when your feeling really low but we are here to support you ok.

No one wants to see you get hurt anymore than what you already are, that includes me other people here, and your friends and family. I know that things are not good for you now but they wont always be like this.

Have you thought about writing down your thoughts and feelings? Its important that if you do decide to write down your thoughts and feelings that you combine both the positive things and the negative things together so that you dont end up writing down just the negative things on there own. Make sure that you keep safe, none of us want to see you get hurt any more than what you already are you dont deserve it.

Please keep distracting yourself as much as you possibly can, there are lots of things that you can try here are some of them, listening to music, doing jobs to keep you busy, watching a movie, going for a walk and posting on the fun and distractions forum. Please keep talking to us, you dont have to go through this all on your own, we are here for you. Please take care its important that you look after yourself.

Take care best wishes Ian

Breeze · 08-03-2008, 05:58 PM

And here I am sitting in front of TV wating for my meds to come with the 2 strangers I'm to trust in coming into my home. I am to honest with these strangers. Tell them I have the means etc etc. I doubt I'll tell them. I'll just get my meds for 24 hours and show them out as they say they must get going, after 5 mins.

Can they really assess you in that time? See a risk or not? I think not. But I hope to get some PRN meds. I sure need them.

I need all the pills I can get hold of.