Contains abuse - Accepting/moving on from traumatic events

xlaurenx · 08-07-2022, 09:42 PM

Hi all,
Havent Posted on this Board in some time!
Im in the middle of Therapy at present, its a how long is a piece of String type Thing, Thank God!
Its mainly around traumatic events in my early Teen years. Bullying and SA. My past has always Held me back. Its almost like time stopped. The World carried on i am now a Adult but i still feel stuck 'there'. Quite often i will go back to traumatic events and they Distress me. Other times i go back to times i have been in Hospital. Sometimes as a Reminder of how Things where as when i was in Hospital,People,Family took Notice. Almost of physically sign that i wasnt ok. Now i would like to move on. However the pain is still very raw. Its more sadness and Anger no one noticed what was going on. Ans almost the helplessness that i feel let down looking back as a Child. As due to the above i coped in very unhealthy ways which will always been there physically. But i cant begin to accept the Reminders until i accept what has happened to me. But i have no idea where tp start with accepting it. It always rears is Ugly head and i go back in my memories.

I cant just forget due to the memories its been 13 years. I want to be able to live my Life but i cant because im stuck im my past.

Zurg · 09-07-2022, 06:49 PM

Lauren, i wonder if you have ever, either in therapy or from friends/relatives, been told that was has happened was not okay?? I'm asking because i'm in the same kind of process atm and at the Grand age of 40 i have recently been told and explained that what happened during childhood/adolescense wasn't okay.

I Think a lot of time people can be afraid to place the blame. But sometimes it has to be done so the person struggling can move on. Placing the blame isn't neccessarily the same as Holding a grudge or be bitter. It's more just someone actually acknowlegding that they have listened to your side of the story and they can say for certain that what happened wasn't okay at all.

Do you feel that, in spite of the obvious neglect/failure, that you still carry some of the blame for your current situation and your struggle with accepting and moving on?? Because if that is the case, then i Think you need to talk things through again with someone.
You were a kid. It could never have been your fault, whatever happened!!! And if the adults around you at the time couldn't help/soothe or never even knew because they never asked or were busy or whatever, them that is a major let down on their part and it had nothing to do with you as a person.

It's never really going to go away in the sense that memories won't ever pop up but it's possible to reduce their impact so your mind won't go into overdrive when it happens. I've seen people get there. I'm confident that you Will too!! Xx

xlaurenx · 09-07-2022, 09:53 PM

Hi,
I have been told it wasnt my fault a couple of times. But i Still feel like it was some way. I should have done more,said more...

Yes , I still Blame myself. I feel i should have been Stronger, whatever my Age, i should have been stronger.

Thanks!

lozza · 25-10-2022, 06:50 AM

Sometimes, it isn't about being 'stronger' nor is it about feeling as though you 'should' have done more to stop it.. said more..

Sometimes, it can really help to remind yourself that that the other person who hurt and abused you (in anyway shape or form) that they had the control over you and made sure that you couldn't get it back in that time..

I know this isn't easy to do and nor is any type of therapy to help you work through all if this.. but just remember and keep reminding yourself how much stronger you will come out at the other side and yes, this abuse you endured will probably always have an impact on you but sometimes using this 'impact' in a more positive way can also help. For example using it to listen to others and help support them through. One thing that all of us with mh stuff going on, is that we are so much better at supporting and being there for others than being there for yourself - but after helping ourselves recover a bit more we can then have a much better positive impact on others that have been through or gone through similar things to ourselves..

In regards to knowing where to start in working through all of this stuff. Sometimes it's just helpful to start with whatever is most on your mind at the time, what you are struggling with and finding tough right now.

Thinking of you xx