Contains abuse - Made to feel bad about being scared of past abuser ⚠️(TW)⚠️

[goose_kid]

Hey,
I need some advice.
My father used to grab my face/neck area, hold it tight so I couldn’t move away, leaned his face close to mine, and screamed in it for doing anything that upset him. He also used to scream scary things at me (I mean really scream) for doing anything that was a minor inconvenience to him, including telling me “mommy can’t save you now” when I began crying and calling for my mom. This has caused me to walk on eggshells around him when I was younger, and caused me to be terrified of being alone with him. I remember once when I was about 10, my dad picked me up from a friends house, and I began to cry and freak out over me being alone in the car with him. I also used to have a very bad stutter, and he would ridicule me for this and ask me to “try again” even in front of my friends. (He has apologized for this.)
It has been many years since he has done any of this, and he seemed to have changed from a ticking time bomb to a funny, fun loving dad that never got very upset. Even though it has been years since the last incident, I still subconsciously feel scared and uncomfortable being around him alone for very long. My mom has always criticized me for not wanting to be around him, hug him, etc. saying that I was hurting his feelings. This has caused me to feel very bad about myself, and I wonder why I can’t just forgive him, accept him for the good dad he is and move on with my life, but my brain just won’t let me.
What do you guys think, is it valid for me to feel afraid, or should I just get over it and move on?

[Pi.R^2]

I think your feelings are entirely valid and I'm sorry firstly that this happened and secondly that you're being made to feel bad for not just pretending it didn't happen.

It's great that he seems to have changed and become a different person than the person who used to hurt you, but I think if he really is a 'new person' now he should also understand that being better now doesn't take away the hurt and fear he created previously.

I hope that you will stand your ground and not feel forced into forgiveness. If he is willing, potentially some kind of joint therapy or counselling might help you and him to work through the past and start helping you to heal, if that's what you want. But I would stress that you have no obligation to want a relationship with him if you don't want to.