Things are getting bad again. i want to die. i just dont want to kill myself, i wish i would get run over by a car or die in a house fire or something. i think it's a bit selfish to kill yourself, but if i died in an 'accident' then people wouldnt be angry with me.
im just at a loss. i want to die so bad. im wondering if i should stop eating a ddrinking, and just say i caught a bug, i know it would take a few weeks to kill me but its worth it.
hugs and nice things are appreciated.
i'll probably delete this but i dont know what to say, im sorry.
the voices are pretty bad, they are telling me to kill myself in a really selfish way. they want me to jump under a train but i dont want to do that.
i want to die so badly, i dont want to be here anymore, im sorry.
Aww kat , is there anything to distract yourself with like music. If the voices are pretty bad maybe you could try ringing crisis. Please stay safe. I'm here if you want to talk , you can PM me.
Love from MEERA xx
“The only way that we can live is if we grow. The only way we can grow is if we change. The only way we can change is if we learn. The only way we can learn is if we are exposed. And the only way that we are exposed is if we throw ourselves into the open.”
thank you Meera, im watching children in need and its not helping, just seeing all these sick children makes me feel horrible that i want to end my life when these children have no choice about life.
i want to OD really badly, no i cant ring crisis, they arent helpful, they just told me to have a cup of tea last time i rang. either that or they will ring an ambulance.
I'm sorry things are so hard and the voices are being really loud and mean. It's good that you don't want to kill yourself, although I do hear how much you are struggling with wanting to die.
Can you distract from the voices? Listen to music, draw, excersize, or talk back to them?
Can you tell your team how things are for you at the moment?
Do you have anyone you can call?
*leaves hugs and safe thoughts* xx
How can the light that burned so brightly
Suddenly burn so pale?
i cant call anyone today as its weekend so i i will have to wait until monday to speak to my CPN's. thank you for all the kind words, it means a lot x
i bought paracetemol today, i know i shouldnt have but it was too tempting. im not going to take it, but it helps to have something as a sort of 'plan B' if you get what i mean.
I hope you can make it til Monday without doing anything. *hugs*
Maybe you could give your mom the paracetemol? And the next time you want to buy some, put the money away and save it up and maybe at the end of each month, use that money to buy yourself something nice? Kind of like a reward system...
"I need you to know, I'm not through the night. Some days I'm still fighting to walk towards the light."
"I don't belong here, I gotta move on, dear. Escape from this afterlife"
"Don't let them in, don't let them see. Be the good girl you always had to be. Conceal, don't feel, don't let them know."
the voices are really loud today, they want me to jump under a train. im not going to do that because i don't want to ruin everybody elses lives because of me.
they are also telling me to OD. i think im going to do it, i have nothing holding me back here. i have my family but they don't really love me, i know they don't. they want to get rid of me.
im listening to hollywood undead, the lyrics mean a lot to me. it just sums up my life.
i cant wait to end my life, i have had enough of living in this nightmare. but still a part of me wishes that i could just die naturally, like fall into a coma and never wake up.
Oh hun, I'm so sorry to hear that you're struggling so much with voices and thoughts. I really think you should give the Paracetamol to someone. Whilst you are feeling like this it isn't a good idea to have access to such medication. Please take care x
When life gets you down do you know what you've gotta do?
i gave the meds to my mum, she locked them away so i cant access them. she was angry with me to say the least and now she's not talking to me.
i still feel really suicidal, and now that my mum isnt talking to me i feel at a loss.
shes talking to me again now, we just went for a family meal at the harvester so im feeling okay today. the voices have been pretty bad this morning and have been causing me to have really bad dreams/nightmares.
