Not sure where to turn.

[Nave]

I could be in the complete wrong section here, and if so i am sorry.
I need somewhere to turn, somewhere there are people who understand and have real life experiences. I just need someone whom i can relate to and who can give me some tips on how to deal with what i am dealing with.

I have recently been a revolving door patient on inpatient wards, however i now do have a community team, i am hoping they will be able to help. But things in the real world are so much harder, i feel when in hospital they paint the world as a nice place, which it really isnt. I feel very alone with no one really to turn too.

Mostly my past admitions have been for server depression and anxiarty, suicisidle tendencies and pscycosis. However over the years i have forgotten things and people say i have acted diffrent sometimes. Saturday my partner came up, we are very recently together and maybe that wasn't the best idea to do after just being discharged.

Yesterday, all i can describe it as is i was 2 people, and jon took over, now he is one of my voices, he hurts me and makes me hurt others, he cant see me being happy and being in a nice place, and when i am happy he is worse. I dont remember last night, i remember bits of it and being downstairs and thinking what the hell am i doing, where is *friends name* he later came down and told me i turned, had a diffrent voice, my eyes changed and i slapped him. my mum was aware of the upset and came and took me to one side, But i cant remember a thing, he didnt want to tell my mum but its something i thought she needed to know as i live with her.

At first dont get me wrong i doupted the honesty of the friend, bur today my thumb is swore and swollen, kind of warm like it goes when you get the infection when you bite your nail.

Jon has been about for a long time, and he does intimidate me, i am not a violent person, i am scared and very alone as i have few friends, and talking about this to them will push them away further.

Any ideas, i have rang my cpn, and been to the doctors, but he wont makes any desistions without meeting them.

I am sorry for the long post, honest answers wanted, even if it does mean pull myslef together.

thanks

[Fire Fly]

Heya,
That sounds really hard and at the moment quite scary. Does your CPN know about Jon and your other voice? Have you managed to tell anyone other than your friend about what is going on?
That does sound hard and scary. Do you feel you could print of what you have written to tell your CPN? Xxx

[Nave]

My cpn is aware as night I called the duty team, and today we had a very long talk. I am in a psyc appointment tommrrow and they are wanting to reveiw my medication and see what the best sorce of action is. I just don't trust them, they have gotten it wrong so may times before, I have lost confidence in them and my ability to cope.

[talaiporia]

Hey. I'm glad you were able to talk with them today, and I hope the appointment goes well, and the medication helps. What makes you feel like you don't trust them?

[Nave]

They have decided against a reveiw. They want to observe me for a few weeks which is fine for them but there not the people having to live with being so unincontrol. Jon keeps taking over. And i cant control it.

I am new to there team, they have not been working long woith me and already think i need the cmht rather than them. i think they forget there is a really broken person in the middle of all this who just wants to be able to work to becoming himself again, wanting to get on with his life.

I feel like people think i am attention seeking, i just feel very alone.

[talaiporia]

Who is Jon? It can be hard being under a new team, they're less aware of your needs, but its important to trust them. I don't think people think you're attention seeking. How are you now?

[Nave]

Jon is a voice. However he has become controlling and they are sending me for more assessments to see if it could be an alter of some sort. It just seems to be one thing after the other.

I am ok, drained, assessments are never plesent, even more so when there followed by a dentist appointment where they end up pulling out a tooth.
Tommrow i intend to have a day of onezie, crap food and even crapper films.

[talaiporia]

Oh I see. That sounds like a tough day! I'm glad you're going to take care of yourself tomorrow though. :)