im not really sure if this belongs here, but it's S/A related, so maybe?
i did post about this a while ago, but need a little support again if thats ok.
i was wondering how i would explain to a midwife/doctor or similar, why i cannot cope with 'personal' examinations.
they have wanted to do them several times during pregnancy, and each time they have mentioned it, i have a complete freak out, full on shaking, crying etc
its getting so bad now, that i can even just see it on tv (they did one on an episode of family guy, which is a bloody cartoon!) and i have almost the same reaction.
im getting more and more worried, as i only have about 8 weeks until my due date, and obviously, those kind of examinations cannot be avoided.
i had to sign something with the consultant, to say that if i became too mentally unwell to consent to any emergency treatment or delivery (including examination) then they would do it anyway, if it was in the best interests of course. i agreed to this obviously, but its even more scary thinking that this could be forced on me, which would be even worse.
i really cant think of a good way to get my worries across to the midwives, as im sure they are probably thinking 'if you cant cope with anything to do with that, then how did you get pregnant'
which is a whole other story, which i dont think they would understand. severe dissociation blah blah blah, and also getting it across without rambling, which i am probably doing now......
people i have mentioned this to say that when it comes to it, i wont care what they do, but i know that this wont be the case with me. i think 'freaking out because they are doing an examination on a cartoon, which you dont even see' is a new level of freaking out.
I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!
Hey.
Sorry you're struggling with this right now. I've been having similar worries since becoming pregnant and I know it's something I'm going to have to face somewhere along the line.
The first thing I'd say is; you're probably not the first person they'll have come across with these kind of fears - please don't think you're alone. They are trained professionals and there will be procedures in place in order to make the examination as easy for you as possible.
Secondly, like you said; it's a hell of a lot scarier thinking about having it forced on you, rather than it being at a time/date you've chosen. Being prepared for it means there can be things in place which can help you throughout the exam; whereas if it's forced on you it can make the whole experience a whole lot worse - and cause issues should you need another in the future.
Can you write down what your worries are? Even if you don't give it to your midwife etc; then at least you've got it there as somewhat of a script so if you do ramble and go off track you have something to refer back to, to get you back on track.
Also, I just wanted to say; I doubt the midwives would question how you got pregnant in that way. They will have met so many people with so many different stories and backgrounds that I bet it'd be pretty hard to shock them.
I hope you manage to get this sorted so it is off your mind.
Take care,
x Katie x
thing is, i have tried explaining it to them, the midwives do everything they can to make it easier when i do agree, but i still end up having a total freak out and they have to stop. so they never actually get it done.
im seeing my midwife on thursday, and she is very nice, so i think i will try and write some stuff down and explain as best as i can. i have one of the therapists here that comes with me to appointments, so maybe i could tell her about it so she can help me out if i get stuck?
i feel a bit silly about it all though.
I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!
my key worker person is on the sleepover tonight, so if she has time, ill have a chat with her. but i can talk to any of the staff about it, they are here 24/7. ill just have to make sure not to forget!
xxx
I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!
I found at the time it all just passed me by a little. I had sweeps done and examinations and normally would have freaked me out massively but I dunno I just kinda went with it. I found afterwards it affected me a bit because I realised all that had happened.
Obviously it's different for everyone but that was my experience. It's also good to try and seperate it in your head. These things are happening because you're having a lovely little baby. Not abuse related just loveliness that happens to occur in your lady parts. Disconnect with out dissociating if that makes sense?
Definitely talk to your midwife but also do you have a birthing partner? If so its important they are aware as they might be your mouth when it all gets a bit hectic. My hubby knew what to do/ say if anything happened. Just your named midwife might not be there on the day so the information may not be passed on.
my mum is going to be my birthing partner.
she was at the midwife appointment with me and the staff person.
it was ok, the staff member that came has suggested i practice relaxation techniques now so i can use them when the time comes.
the midwife was very understanding, and she even said that she had noticed i look uncomfortable when she is touching my belly, which i thought i was hiding quite well!
oddly enough, since the appointment, i have been a lot more relaxed about the idea, i still think i would freak out if they actually wanted to do an examination, but its a step in the right direction i think?
I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!
hello! i'm so glad someone else wrote about this it always amazes me how many people their are that feel similar to me!
basically i have absolute phobic reactions to internals,smear tests anything like that!
i've tried so many things to make it better but nothing ever makes the experience any less traumatic i just see it as i've had things happen in the past that were out of my control so why an earth would i want to volunteerily put myself through it again?? maybe you could say that to a midwife you trust? anyway back to your question= when i was pregnant obviously this caused me no end of worry i was so scared not of labour just of the examinations! so in the end i told my midwife my fears (she was v lovely!) and as it happens apparently they get it a lot so we wrote a birth plan and in my birth plan one of my absolute requests was that they do the minimum amount of internals possible as i find them stressful for personal reasons (i wrote it like that.) and they did honour that as if you have something like that written in black and white already they have to try to do their best to comply with that,they were very good and i also had an understanding midwife who delivered my child who held my hand and spoke reassuringly when the dr did do an internal oh and i requested no men or students (i was a delightful patient lol!) obviously if their was an emergency and a male was the only one around then i wouldve had to but they did everything in their power to be helpful.also i've tried listening to music,having someone there that you trust,concentrating on breathing and/or gas and air.i'm not gonna lie and say i didnt find it traumatic still because i did and i do and it doesnt get any better but i've recently found that what offers me some small comfort at the time of anything like that is a friend with me who knows exactly what im like and how to handle me (briefing people beforehand helps a bit).you may find at the time of having your baby you are fine i guess everyones different but if you need any more support just message me take care
