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Personality disorder. Im afraid of few cruel people.
When I was 8 I was quiet kid I wasn’t swearing at all and I was going to school where everyone knew each other. In my school was a lot of brave, cruel kids. We all were spending time together, every school break, every trip. There was group of guys who were making fun of everyone else. They wanted to be cool.
Teacher told few times that I'm different than them I am shy and quiet (among all). Then everybody started to call my shy… They were making fun of few people but especially of me cause I was shy. When teacher asked who speaks loud, they ALWAYS focused on me and laughed and everybody knew that wasn’t me but it was funny for them…
When we were sitting in locker room or anywhere few guys always focused on me and told “look at him, he doesn’t talk at all” and everyone laughed or “don’t be shy, say “f***”.
When we were with older “cool” guys few of my classmates pointed at me and said “you know that he doesn’t say one word during whole day? Haha” (ofc i did but less than others or “[my name] hey, can you tell us a joke or say something funny? Im just joking I forgot that he can’t talk, haha” Then older guys treated me like a freak and during the break came to me and said embarrassing question “you really never say anything?” whole school laughed at me ;(
One guy was laughing at few people but especially at me, always focused on me and told "can you talk ;), look at him he usually doesnt say anything haha, hes funny" everybody was laughing hard at me, I wanted to leave and cry... (I wasn’t doing anything I was so polite kid and tried to laugh with them but inside it hurt me so much) or there was also very shy, unattractive, strange girl. He was asking among all "how's your girlfriend?" "What are you talking about with her, talking haha, got it?" Of course it was funny for everybody... I felt so isolated. Then nobody respected me. I feel so weak and I feel like if they wanted to they could destroy me mentally so easily.
I rarely did it but everytime I swore, they acted like they are shocked "first time I heard he swore 0.o" They were making me look a lot more shy than I actually was. They are so cruel. Each time I was coming to class they were joking "please, sit with me, you are so strong everyone at school is afraid of you haha."
The more people there was the more they were making fun of me. Because of few guys some girls till now think Im shy. For example last week I saw one girl who was my classmate but we were far away from each other. I was just sitting and looking out the window but I heard that girl told her friends who don’t even know me that I don’t talk at all for whole day. WTF? Its so embarrassing. Its not even true. Maybe im not very talkative but its offensive. It hurts me so much. Then others laugh at me. Because of situations like this one i really want to talk less and less and get away from everybody... If they just treated me normally _._...
Soon Ill be 18. Nobody knows about my problems. I go to fine school Im just glad that nobody laughs at me here but its still not normal life. I changed myself a little bit Im normal guy but they didn’t change themselves and still like to make fun of me. I can’t get close to people. I don’t go out often. Ive never had a girlfriend.
I have never had myspace or facebook because I thought that if I create account one guy will always pick on me no one other, just me (like in locker room) and write to all his friends something like that "he is that guy who doesnt say anything, can you tell us a joke ;)?" or "I think he doesnt even know what is sex ;)"It seems stupid but then more and more people laugh at me. Its humiliating, one guy says that among all and then nobody respects you...
Half year ago I felt so depressed and cried like never before that in my new school only one person doesnt have facebook and I will never have it and will be outcast forever and hide from some people my till the end of my life... I was so sad that Ive thought about commiting suicide and then I knew that I cant commit suicide. People laugh at me but when I look at my sister everything seems better. Finally half year ago I created account on facebook (it was the hardest thing Ive ever done in my life. Im serious). For the first 3 hours I was waiting will they accept invation and write humiliating thigs about me or not? Fortunately all they did was writing on my wall "0.o I cant believe it" and that was it. I hided list of friends because I dont wanna let them now where do I go to school/who are my friends and I dont have many friends (80 but I invited everyone I could). Anyway It was HUGE step in relationships.
1.How Should I answer if someone tells that Im not talkative? The best answer would be something like that to not be angry and look like I dont care and laugh at it:"Haha, yes Im not talkative, I dont say anything as you see haha, good joke haha ^^, you make me laugh :D" Maybe it would make them not want to tell it.
In short what is the most important problem? I am afraid of people. I imagine that I go out with new friend and then I meet some mean guy who comes to us and says "does he really drink bear? o.0" or "he talks with you 0.o" and hes gonna tell it other his friends to laugh at me. My whole life group of people was laughing and telling embarrassing things about me.
My whole life among many people every occasion they had they were making fun of me.
The truth is that when I was 8 sometimes I was just sitting for an hour and listening to others without talking at all. They were making fun of me because of it. Ive always had a reputation of the most polite guy in class/school.
Then I was normal, polite guy, nowadays if I have good mood I can be very talkative but sometimes they joke "you can talk 0.0 Wow." or "FIRST TIME I HEARD I SAID SOMETHING o.0!!!" I mean they dont let me be myself. Sometimes I really dont want to talk to people/swear/drink beer/go out with friends because some people always humiliate me because of it. Im not afraid of everyone. Im afraid of the same people for 9 years! I dont think its ever gonna change ;( Nothing has changed for 9 years :( What should I do? Is there anyway to fix my reputation? Should I show them my list of friends? What could I do on facebook to help myself.
Maybe I should tell my parents about it but it would be hard to say :/ But then I would have a support and they wouldnt be so confident. Any ideas as much as you have would help me?
Last edited by madman : 01-10-2012 at 08:39 PM.
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