Recently, I've started a new job and the training for it was really long and intense, it was like 11 weeks or so, and then about a month ago I finished training and begain taking calls; I work in a call center. Durring training, I broke-up with my girlfriend and fiencee of the past 6 years, almost 7. The reason why I broke up with her is because we've only ever dated each other, and even though I love her, I feel like we should see other people. I don't want either of us to look back and resent the other for not having the chance to date others.
Well, at the same time this was going on, there was a guy in my training class who I really liked, as a person. He and I started talking outside of class online, and we would talk for maybe 5 hours a night after spending the whole day together in class. I also hung-out with him and his friends three times, and I was under the impression that we were really good friends or at least becoming good friends.
Well, then, out of nowhere, after the training class is over, he starts to pull away from me. He doesn't respond to my text messages, and he's never on facebook. When I would go by his desk, he wouldn't even look at me when I was speaking to him. So I decided to question him if he was ignoring me on purpose. He basically was like "We're not dating" and "You're being to clingy/smothering" and he asked me to leave him alone.
Well, I did for a few days, but I'm so one track-minded and something like this really upsets me. So I wrote him a letter about how I felt about the situation and I even appologized in it for making him feel smothered. But he never responded to my message. Well, then a week later, he missed work bc he was sick so I just decided to ask if he was ok via text. He was like "Please leave me alone" and I was like, "I have been...I didn't realize you meant forever." And then he proceed to tell me not to message him or come by his desk or anything again. He said I was fun and smart but tireing(sp?) and that he doesn't have the energy to deal with me anymore. I responded with "Sorry. Bye." and that was about two days ago.
Yesterday morning, I self-injured for the 1st time in a month (I self-injured a month ago as a fluke it was stupid; I was drunk and it was the 1st time in 8 months). I'm a mess; I didn't realize that a friend could break your heart. And then last night, I drank a whole bottle of wine and self-injured some more. I don't like lapsing back into it, but at the moment, it helps block the pain.
So now I'm just lost. I'm having a hard time with the ex situation because we also still live together and I do miss her, but I don't want to try to win her back unless I'm really sure. And then I also feel really hurt by what happened with my guy friend. I guess I should just let it go, but it's really hard. I don't know what I'm expecting from this. Any advice is welcomed.
Thanks for reading!
"Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, she became a butterfly."
I don't know that I have any real advice. I just wanted to let you know I hope you can forgive yourself for slipping up and try to move forward. I also commend you for your strength in trying to make sure you and your girlfriend are ready. My brother just lost his fiancee because she had never dated anyone before him, and I almost lost my husband recently because I was his first real girlfriend. Dating different people can be an important part of figuring yourself out. I wish you the best with that. *hugs*
"It's just like the story of the grasshopper and the octopus. All year long, the grasshopper kept burying acorns for winter, while the octopus mooched off his girlfriend and watched TV. But then the winter came, and the grasshopper died, and the octopus ate all his acorns. Also he got a race car. Is any of this getting through to you?" ~ Philip J. Fry
i would feel really distressed by this too.... but i think at this point you need to drop it. if you keep pressing him, he is only going to shy farther away. it sounds to me like he has something going on in his life right now that is making it so that he doesn't want/ can't be around you. i think that your best hope of keeping the friendship is to give him space and continue to build relationships with other people, so that if you do start talking again, you have your own things to talk about and can prove that you won't be solely focused on him.
maybe you can make friends with some other people at work? or find somewhere else to meet some new people? or reconnect with old friends if you wanted
also, it may be good to come up with a specific plan of what to do if you get more urges to harm yourself. having something ready when the urges come is often a big advantage to you.
Last edited by PassedExpectations : 02-08-2012 at 09:36 PM.
this is my magical medicine cabinet. Left to right they contain: courage, hope, calmness, and strength.
The magical part: They NEVER run out, so borrow some any time you want.
Thanks for responding, guys; I really appreciate it. Thanks for the *hugs* AshIvy. I agree with what you said about dating other people and how it helps you find yourself.
Coming up with a plan for when I have urges is a good idea; I'll have to think about that some. As far as contacting him goes, I am so not going to speak to him again unless he talks to me first, and even then I might not reply. I feel like I'm going through the stages of grieving. At first I was shocked/in denial, then sad and trying to bargain with him, and now I'm angry, and eventually I'll get to acceptance. Last night I hung out with my ex, who is also still my best friend, and our friend Charlotte, and I had a good time so I think that helped me a lot.
"Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, she became a butterfly."
people definitely can go through stages of grieving for a lost relationship. it is good that you were able to recognize that you are experiencing that. hopefully it will help you feel less confused and more accepting of your changing emotions.
have you had any ideas about what your plan can be to do when you have urges?
i'm glad that you were able to have fun with your ex and with Charlotte :) keep trying to enjoy yourself and be around others
this is my magical medicine cabinet. Left to right they contain: courage, hope, calmness, and strength.
The magical part: They NEVER run out, so borrow some any time you want.
