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venting. I don;t know what to do anymore.
I really can't take it. Half the time i think I'm part of the pre stroy to some self help book.
Every time I go to my rehersals, the director, who was the first one to notice my cuts when I was trying on a costume, treats me like I'm some kind of complete invalid, and like I can't do anything because I might get too stressed and "do something you might regret later".
And I've started binging and purging again. I just can't help it. its been months since i've cut, and I feel like I still need to get that SOMETHING out of my system. but I need to fill it, blot it out, make sure nobody see's. Nobody knows about that, and I need this to be my thing,and yet I know how much its going to screw me over. 2 years ago when I stopped because it was killing my singing voice, I said I'd never do it again. well, i clearly failed at that. But at least nobody can look at me and tell that I failed, liek they can with the cutting.
Theres a guy who I trust everything in, who supports me, and he doesn't know how much i like him. He's always coming to me for advice about how to ask out this other girl, and I just have to put on a happy face and try to help him, when inside I'm screaming becaus ei want to tell him how much I want him to think like that of me.
I don't want to cut. a friend promised me that it would all get better, once I got through wanting to cut.
well, roan, it hasn't happened yet.
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