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one of the worst days of my life :(
yesterday was one of the worse days in my life, i hated it. i was sooo emotional.. even over the weekend i was a mess. i tired reaching out to a lot of people to let them know i was struggling and needed some support, they did all they could to make me feel better and i thought it was working BOY WAS I WRONG :(
i planned to commit suicide this friday, i chose friday because that was the day i was seeing my care worker and i wanted to explain to her why i was planning to do it. i just want the pain and the shiitt to stop you know.
but yesterday the thoughts were all over the place and i had rang several people to see if this would help, the crisis team, CMHT, MHAT, nothing seemed to be helping i felt so alone and like this was it there was no going back, the only way was to kill myself. so i went to the shop to buy the meds and alcohol so that i could overdose.
i didnt know what else to do and i was soooo confused. later in the night i didnt know wether i wanted to die or not so i called the NHS direct and they were concerned about what i had taken, so they told me i needed to go to hospital and they called an ambulance for me
whilst at the hospital i felt fine and i thought the worst was over WRONG AGAIN. i started to get the urges again and i wanted to real hurt myself. i thought about hanging myself from the cubical rails.. i did want to cut but the nurses were watching me..
so yeah yesterday wasnt a good day for me at all and now im soooooooo confused as i dont know if i want to be dead for ever or just until the pain stopped...
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