My flatmate said, with a backtone to it, "I take it you're alright with little people." [no question mark] when she told me a friend of her son's is coming for dinner tonight. *ouch*
Actually, no, I'm not ok with little people. I feel intimidated and threatened even by very young children.
Now, I know that there is a whole tangle of difficult, painful, frightening and uncomfortable feelings behind the reasons why.. just, I hate feeling like this, unsafe even around 5 year olds [my flatmate's son is ok, it's just those who're unknown]. And I hate feeling ashamed of my difficulties. With time and more working through, things can change. Just, I'm not there yet. I'm at where I'm at.
I saw my GP this morning. I asked her if there were any more frequent use alternatives to Zopiclone, as in something for every night for the next little while, rather than once or twice a week. Being as I'm up to my ears in stress and my sleep isn't good. She said there're no other options, as they're all addictive, and end up disturbing the natural sleep pattern anyway. *sigh* *ouch*
It made me feel a bit like an addict. And, in a way, I suppose I am. I know I need to safely face all my pain. Just, I crave relief and respite. So much.
If you are going to find tonight too stressful could you go out for a while? Or even just for part of the night.
My GP prescribed me 10mg of Amitriptyline for sleeping, she said it's none addictive and doesn't build up in your body. It definately helps me sleep and feel more rested the next day.
I stayed out for a while - well, I was coming back from an afternoon out, and the bus ride took that long anyway! [I get embarrassing hostile panic attacks on the tube]. When I got in I said hello, and then they're having dinner, then he's going home in 25 minutes.
Thanks for the med tip. I don't think my GP will budge, especially with me having recognised but unofficial personality disorder symptoms, as well as being on mirtazapine, and my treatment plan being for minimum medication.
My therapist is concerned about me self medicating with various natural supplements.
I'm glad it went okay tonight with the little person :) That's great! One worry off your mind.
It's a shame about your GP and the amitriptyline, i've found it very helpful, I thought with it being quite mild it would be okay to mix with other meds too. Nevermind :(
Not really, all herbal stuff, and even magnesium supplement, seems to poop out on me, some even made me worse. I sort of know why - because of the root issues beneath. But still it kind of sucks.
Have you considdered nytol? you can get it over the counter in all pharmacies some say it works (me) others say it has no affect what so ever but it works for me
Thanks. :)
That's the anti-histamine based one? [I've used the natural one before].
I'm not sure how I'd be with that, as I took anti-histamines long term as a child due to sinus/nasal congestion problems and it has a tendency to make me dizzy now as an adult, so I avoid it, even with hay fever.
I was wondering if my GP would suggest it though, but she didn't. And if I try it against her advice, I would be 'betraying' her, and also adding to my therapist's concern about my self medicating.
I felt fairly good most of today. But then came home and my flatmate had someone around. I thought they'd be around all evening, so no dinner for me. They actually went, but not before it'd caused the 'switch' to flick in my head, and a huge surge of anger, irritation - and shame. Though I didn't actually voice this.
I have a really 'short fuse' right now.
I nearly 'went off on one' at some people [customers] at work today who were talking together and somehow managed to dis/laugh at suicide, the mentally ill, those with 'split personalities' and gay people. It was so like they were trying to be offensive to as many marginalised groups as possible. I did my best to swallow my rage and just glared once [but they missed that], as I just didn't know how to respond. One even said of someone how there was nothing wrong with them so there was no reason to persecute them. ><. Like it's ok to persecute those who're somehow 'different'? Meh.
Thanks, yes, I had dinner. And now I'm eating too much chocolate!
At least one of the people talking was qualified academically and old enough [in theory] to have known better. But they have similar conversations every week. I might have a quiet word with a manager, but as they're not insulting anyone directly, I don't suppose there's much they can do. We're not that busy there, so there's less chance of other public being around and being offended. I know I tend to be quite easily offended but it was all really ><.
Chocoate is supposed to boost your mood and cheer you up!
I think having a quiet word with a manager wouldn't be a bad idea, there might not be many members of public around but they have offended you? I don't think it's right that you should have to hear things like that being said on a weekly basis when you're at work. You're probably right, I don't imagine there's much your manager can do, they will have to have a word with the people involved, it might help, worth a try.
Push will get a person almost anywhere except through a door marked “pull".
