Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: USA
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Contains abuse - Was I a bad kid? Part II: Tracie’s Guide to Common Behaviors of Abused & Neglected Children
As with the first post describing normal childhood development and behavior referenced, many children are punished for certain behaviors. Ironically enough, many children are “punished” for behaviors that were in fact caused by the abuse. In this post I’m going to chronicle some behaviors that are common in abused children, which may create bad reactions in both abusive and non-abusive adults. So if these were ever used as “evidence” against you being a bad kid who deserved abuse…well it probably wouldn’t have happened if there were no abuse. They can exist in any developmental stage, from toddlerhood all the way through adulthood. Some may last for short periods, and others may last a lifetime. Unlike the healthy development post, this one will not give discipline techniques. My reasoning for this is that most of the behaviors are not misbehavior, but a child’s attempts to process and deal with abuse. Instead I posted more therapeutic and helpful things that should be done, for a child in that situation, and as a teen/adult. I hope this post can make some of you feel more “normal” about some reactions you may have had to any abuse in your life. And please keep in mind that while these are common behaviors of abused children, not all children who exhibit these behaviors are or were abused.
*When I refer to “abuse” in this, I am referring to emotional abuse, physical abuse, sexual abuse or any combination. When I refer to “neglect” I am referring to both physical neglect (lack of food, clothing, warmth, etc.) and emotional neglect (lack of cuddles, affection, basic interaction, etc.)*
Aggression & Violence: The phrase “monkey see, monkey do” can often be used to describe young children. It is no surprise that many children who live in violent homes exhibit excessive aggression. Children in violent homes who behave aggressively are often doing more than simple modeling. In their experience, people are only powerful when yelling and hitting. People who are quiet or gentle are the victims, so therefore weak. In the child’s mind, they must be violent and abusive towards others if they want any power. In fact, they may view being abusive as the only way to avoid being a victim. Also, children who are abused and neglected often carry around a great deal of anger and resentment towards their abusers, passive adults, and themselves. Children like this can turn into bullies, and may hurt their siblings as well as children at school or the playground. If a child is not being physically abused, but instead emotionally or sexually abused, and/or neglected, aggression may stem from the anger mentioned earlier. Abused children rarely have any language or proper expression for their anger or other negative emotions, so it can explode into outbursts. Almost always, violent children get into big trouble at school. Discipline from the school system can create more problems for these children. They may suffer more abuse at home for causing problems, and being disciplined for their actions by the school may create more anger and aggression. It is not uncommon for aggressive children to also be defiant, so normal school discipline may repeatedly fail. If the abuse and child’s problems go unnoticed, s/he may end up severely hurting other children, and repeatedly suspended or expelled from schools. A subset of childhood violence is also animal cruelty. If a child is very young, weak or fears punishment for hurting others, s/he might hurt animals. Like hurting people, the child is taking out anger on the animal. S/he may also be trying to make them experience pain s/he is also feeling. When violent children get older they sometimes join gangs or commit crimes, which could lead them to juvenile detention centers and eventually prison. (This is usually more common in lower economic areas where drug use, gang and crime rates are higher.) However, some children grow out of aggressive tendencies. Growing out of it could result from number of reasons, to professional intervention, the end of abuse, to the child realizing they’re wrong to hurt others. Abused children who are aggressive need therapy to manage their anger and violent outbursts, whether they are still children or adults. If still children, some discipline (agreed upon by professionals and caretakers) should be applied if the child is still violent. If an abused child is grown and no longer aggressive, s/he may feel guilty for past behavior. If this happened, remember that you were young and just trying to process what happened to you. If you are still experiencing a lot of aggression and violent tendencies, you must seek out some help and therapy to control that anger before it gets you into too much trouble.
Bedwetting/Accidents: Many abused children wet the bed or have other toileting issues. Toilet training problems are one of the most common starting points of physical abuse. Bedwetting and other accidents may stem from lack of proper toilet training as a toddler, or anxiety resulting from the abuse. (In some cases it might even be health problem, but this is less common.) If a child was neglected, they may have been forced to toilet train themselves, and therefore not know what to do. This can cause confusion, shame and embarrassment for the child. These emotions will intensify when the child enters school and gets older. If peers find out about these problems they can be especially cruel, and target that child for bullying. Sadly, often the more a child is abused the more s/he has accidents, and the more abuse they suffer for this. For an abused child with this problem they should first be in therapy for their emotions. If the problems are severe enough, the child may need to a refresher or help to be re-toilet trained. It might be helpful to put the child in training pants at bedtime (or daytime if needed) and be helped with their bathroom habits. Once a child is in a safe place and anxiety decreases some of the child’s accidents may decrease as well. If accidents don’t stop once the child is in a safe environment for a long period, health problems should be explored just in case. Since this issue makes the sufferers feel so shameful, teens and adults often keep quiet about it, but therapy and possible medical intervention can help.
Forgetfulness & Dissociation: While it may seem random, forgetfulness is common in abused children. The more severe the abuse, the more severe the forgetfulness. When children frequently experience ongoing episodes of abuse, they learn to dissociate, or “leave” their bodies to cope. Frequent dissociation can cause the child to “space out” during times abuse is not occurring. It can be frightening and confusing for a child when they realize time has passed and they cannot recall what happened. Dissociation can cause the child to forget things they learned (or should have learned) in school, and create academic struggles. They may also forget things friends, siblings, parents and other adults told them. Adults may assume the child is inattentive, stupid, and lazy. Some may even think s/he is lying about not knowing what happened and what they were told. In abusive homes the child may be hurt more for not remembering things they were told. Children who dissociate may be incorrectly diagnosed with ADD/ADHD or learning disabilities. Events and memories in an abused child’s life may come and go, as well as change. This can be just as confusing as the abuse itself. If left untreated, severe dissociation can sometimes turn into DID (Dissociative Identity Disorder, i.e. multiple personalities). Children and adults who have suffered abuse so severe they dissociate should get intense therapy to try and piece things back together, as well as recover from the abuse.
Health Problems: While it is not a behavior problem, issues with health can become problems for abused children. I would also like to point out that there is a subset of neglect dubbed “medical neglect”. Medical neglect is when a parent does not get their child immunized, have doctor visits for illness/injury, and administer necessary medication. Medical neglect is most common for children with already existing health problems. Poor health can be both a causing factor and a result of childhood abuse. A child is more likely to be abused if s/he has a health problem, and it is very common for abused children to have poorer health than non-abused peers. For a child with a pre-existing condition (such as cerebral palsy, heart defect, severe asthma, etc.) physical abuse and neglect can endanger their lives. It can also worsen their conditions and exacerbate symptoms. For previously healthy children, abuse and neglect can create poor health. Physically abused children can receive many injuries that may cause problems later in life. Many physically abused children are also medically neglected, because what abusive parent will bring a bruised and beaten child for that yearly check-up? Sexually abused children are obviously vulnerable to catching STDs, and related conditions, such as cervical cancer. The private parts of the child may be severely injured as a result of abuse, but can usually be treated and (if necessary) repaired. The stress of any form of abuse can literally weaken a child’s immune system. Even in my own experience I have seen that people who are subjected to severe and chronic abuse get sick often. This means that abused children are more likely than others to catch colds, the flu, and other viruses that are regularly passed around. Along with all this, many abused children are subject to somatic ailments. Somatic ailments are pains and illnesses that have a purely psychological base (ex: your stomach hurts in the morning because you’re scared to go to school). Since most abused children suffer in silence for a period of time, their mind may manifest an array of phantom pains and conditions. Somatic complaints allow more than the child’s inner pain to emerge. Even the youngest children know that people who are sick and hurt are cared for, so they may make themselves appear ill or injured in order to be nurtured. A child may truly “fake” being ill or injured in order to be cared for. For some children, being in need of medical care may be the only way they get positive nurturing attention from adults. This may be particularly true for emotionally abused and neglected children. I didn’t want to go into mental health on this, but it is part of health, so I will touch upon it. All forms of child abuse can cause child and adult victims problems like eating disorders, various addictions, DID, PTSD, BPD, CD, RAD, OCD*, and oodles of other acronyms. Some abused children are blamed for their health problems, and even told that is a reason they are “bad” or need to be “punished”. A sick, hurt, or disabled child is not at fault for his/her condition. (Even if a child DOES something foolish like jump out of a tree and break a leg, or eat a food they are allergic to, it’s the parents’ job to watch them. Besides, suffering through the pain of a broken leg or anaphylactic shock is punishment enough!). No one, adult or child, should ever be punished or told they are bad because they are not healthy. If you have a pre-existing condition, or conditions resulting from your abuse please do not blame yourself. Also, even though it’s scary at times, please make sure you visit a doctor and take prescribed medications when necessary.
*Dissociative Identity Disorder, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder, Conduct Disorder, Reactive Attachment Disorder, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.
Poor Hygiene: It’s common for abused and neglected children to have poor hygiene. For the first several years of a child’s life, it’s the parents’ responsibility to bathe their children, brush their hair, teeth, and provide clean clothes. Even when a child is capable of basic self-care, parents often have to remind children to do so. Physically neglected children are often not bathed or groomed well, or at all. This creates children who are dirty, smell bad, have matted hair, cavities, and may contract parasites like lice or scabies. Obviously this can create problems in school with teachers as well as classmates. Children who are dirty, smell, or are unkempt are easy targets for bullies. For sexually abused children, lack or good hygiene may be another issue all together. Many sexually abused children are frightened of any time they must remove clothes, including in the shower. This may also be fueled by a belief they are “dirty” and should stay that way. Some children may even avoid washing or other grooming in order to make themselves unappealing to abusers or potential abusers. In some cases, sexual abuse may have occurred in the bathroom, or even the bath/shower. This can make washing traumatic, and children may avoid the bathroom and shower. Poor hygiene is more often a problem at school and other settings outside the home. However, abusive families may ridicule a child for being dirty or not smelling good. In cases where a child is abused by someone outside the home, they may be forced to wash in frightening ways or punished for their lack of self-care. If the child is removed and put in a safer home, good grooming should be emphasized and introduced gently. Older children may not know how to care for themselves and need to be taught how. Helping children learn self-care (especially bathing) must be done in the most non-intrusive way to help them understand and not get spooked. If you are a teen or adult and still have trouble hygiene you need to try and get some better habits. If you’re still unsure how to do some tasks, as a doctor, dentist, hairdresser/barber, or trusted friend. With the help of therapy, you can develop good grooming habits. If the bathroom, bath/shower, or even hair brushes are frightening/trigger objects you can get help to be desensitized and eventually care for yourself properly.
Problems with Food: It’s very common for physically neglected children to have an array of problems with food from of their lack of nutrition. Along with this, some children are abused with food (starvation, being forced to eat large quantities, etc.) or forced to ingest another substance (soap, bleach, vomit, etc.). For sexually abused children forced to perform oral sex, food and eating can feel like a similar violation. Hoarding food is a common habit of children who have been physically neglected, who frequently went hungry because of poverty, or were purposely starved. Hoarding involves a child collecting food, and often hiding it on their person or in their bedrooms or inside other belongings. While still in an abusive home this allows the child to survive. S/he does not know where his/her next meal is coming from, and the hidden food assures they will eat again. However, in a new, non-abusive home it can become quite problematic. The hoarded food will build up more and begin to rot and smell, as well as attract vermin. If a child does this in a new environment s/he should be reassured they will always have another meal coming, as well as work through it in therapy. Along with hoarding, neglected and starved children often gorge themselves and overeat when food is available. This is understandable, as the child is very hungry, and not sure how long they will have to wait to eat again. However, this gorging can be so extreme it makes the child vomit, or progressively become obese. When in a safe home, a child should only be given small portions so not to make him/herself sick. Along with therapy, the child should be taught how to eat at a slower, more relaxed pace. If gorging behavior continues into teen years or adulthood it can turn into binge-eating disorder and/or bulimia. For children who were abused with food or other ingested substances, eating can be a frightening experience. The child may refuse to eat (or eat certain things) because of this fear. Physical pain may also coincide with eating and digestion for children who have been regularly starved or fed caustic and non-edible material. When in a non-abusive home the caretakers should be very gentle, and introduce food in a non-threatening way. Loving care and therapy can help the child understand that food is safe, and they won’t be hurt with it anymore. If a child has been orally sexually abused, s/he may be terrified of opening their mouths. Pain in the mouth, throat and tongue may also be present. Any foods that may resemble the appearance or consistency of sexual organs/fluids may be triggering. This can cause refusal to eat, tantrums, vomiting and more. For children who have been severely sexually abused, anything in their mouths is enough to be a trigger that will cause them to refuse food. Sometimes children are given sweets or certain food as a reward for sexual acts, which can make the child associate food (or a certain food) with abuse. To help the sexually abused child with eating, they must be reminded that eating is very different from being abused. Obviously therapy is necessary, but allowing the child to avoid certain trigger foods and gentle encouragement, help, and grounding can also elicit progress. If abused children who refuse to eat go untreated into teenage and adult years, it could turn into anorexia or bulimia. Occasionally some neglected and abused children may even develop habits of eating strange or non-food items (ex: insects/worms, toilet tissue, paper, cotton, etc). Often this will occur because the child does not have anything to eat…so they eat anything around them. Sometimes this compulsion can also be caused by a desire for comfort (like oral fixations). For certain things that aren’t harmful (like insects) but not socially acceptable to eat, a child should be encouraged to stop, or only engage in that behavior in private. If a child continues to eat things that may be harmful, they should be gently stopped and coaxed to eat food instead. For teens and adults, eating strange things can cause some shame and embarrassment. If the strange item is harmful, they should seek help and therapy to stop. Otherwise, there’s nothing wrong with occasionally eating something unorthodox.
Problems with Sleep: Sleeping and bedtime can be very difficult for the abused or neglected child. The most obvious reason for this is that many hurt children have frequent nightmares and/or wet the bed. (However the latter is covered in a previous section). Instances of abuse can pop up again in sleep, and who would want to relive that? Fear of nightmares can cause a child to refuse sleep, cry, and do everything they can to stay up later. Lack of sleep can create problems in school because the child is falls asleep and loses focus in class. A child refusing to sleep may also create problems within a home, which may cause conflict and escalate already existing abuse. For children who are/have been sexually abused at night, bedtime or in a bed, going to sleep is even more terrifying. The child associates sleep and their beds with being hurt, so they may adamantly refuse, scream, cry and run away when it’s time to sleep. They may also assume anyone who tells them “it’s time for bed” will abuse them. If the child is removed and put into a safe home, the adults should have safe, soothing bedtime routines that help the child relax and sleep. It may also be beneficial for the child to sleep in a place of his or her choosing that feels safer to them (like a sofa, sleeping bag, etc.). If nightmares persist adults can continue to try and soothe the child and come when s/he wakes up and is frightened. Hopefully, this along with therapy should help the child sleep easier. Insomnia can also affect abused children well into teen years and adulthood. Fear of nightmares, sleeping, and general worry can make resting very difficult. Some people may find that even when they want to sleep, it doesn’t happen. If you find yourself still having big problems with sleep (insomnia, nightmares, general fear, etc.) as a teen or adult you should make your own bedtime routine. Try to get yourself calm and relaxed. Maybe try taking a warm bath, get into comfortable pajamas, read part of a safe, non-triggering book (some people like religious texts) and play some soothing music (I like Sigur Ros myself). If you feel regressive or vulnerable at night it’s also good to have a comfort object like a blanket or teddy, and okay to indulge in thumb sucking or drinking from a baby bottle. If you set something up for yourself, sleep and your bed may not be as horrible as they’ve seemed before.
Regressive Behaviors: *This regressive behavior is different from dissociative regression where a person dissociates into a “little” personality or younger form of themselves.*
Many abused and neglected children are somehow emotionally and socially immature or stunted. The earlier and more severely the child is abused/neglected, the more prominent this regression will be. Often children get “stuck” at the emotional level their abuse began. So, children who are abused/neglected from the time they are babies or toddlers may still exhibit infantile behavior in their teen and adult years. A child whose abuse began at age eight or so may begin to exhibit behaviors they have already outgrown. As teens and adults, these children may still exhibit some childish behaviors. The level of regressive behaviors will be greater and more intense with the severity of abuse and neglect the child suffered. Now, some of the behaviors that can fit into this category (that I often call “baby habits”) like thumb sucking, bedwetting and rocking have their own subset in this post. Other regressive behaviors may include baby talk, excessive need for a comfort object such as a teddy, doll, or blanket (past the age or intensity most children need them), using a baby bottle and pacifier/dummy, inability to understand older/more mature subjects, lack of interest in age-appropriate subjects, childish reactions to events (temper tantrums in frustrating situations, getting overly excited about doing something fun, etc.) and general childish or infantile behavior. Abused children who exhibit regressive behaviors quickly realize they are not on the same level as their peers. If the child is not abused in early childhood and it starts later on, friends and teachers may even remark on the child seemingly not progressing into more mature behavior. A child may be bullied by classmates for being “babyish”. Teachers or other adults may even scold and punish the child for acting younger than they are. It can be frustrating for a child who does everything they can to act “normal” but is still considered immature. It’s very difficult for hurt children to understand emotions, or reach the same social milestones as classmates. Many abused and neglected children are isolated and sheltered from peers, whether physically or psychologically. This creates alienation that may make it hard for the child to make friends. Any amount of regressive behaviors may make abusive parents torment and abuse their children more than they already do. This in itself might even intensify the immature behavior. Most abused and neglected children who engage in regressive behaviors often feel immense shame, which often escalates with their age. If a child is moved to a safer environment the adults should allow the child to engage in their regressive behaviors, with some boundaries. “It’s okay to carry Teddy around the house but you can’t bring him to school.” Children engage in regressive behaviors in attempt to comfort and nurture themselves. Adults around that child should give him/her as much love, attention, playtime, and safe touch as possible. With enough care, therapy, and permission to engage in regressive behaviors, most children/teens will grow out of them. If you are a teen or adult and find yourself being tempted to but a new kiddie DVD or regularly carry your blankie in your backpack, that’s okay. Even though some people may tell you that you’re wrong, foolish, or attention seeking, there’s nothing wrong with you. You were not given what you needed as a child, and now the child in you is still looking for nurturance. In fact, taking care of the little one inside you can actually help you heal and possibly even grow out of it. It’s important to understand that you will need to act your age in school, work and other public settings. Therapy may help you learn how to act more mature and age appropriate. However, when you’re home alone and relaxing, it’s okay to act like a kid. So go ahead, buy that set of legos and turn on Sesame Street.
Rocking, Head-Banging & Other Rhythmic Behaviors: Images of small children in orphanages rocking themselves have been common disturbing images shown in news specials for years. It’s clear in these horrible videos, that the babies are neglected and forced to rock themselves. This behavior is not isolated to children in orphanages, but any neglected baby. Everyone knows that rocking soothes babies, but not everyone knows why. One reason is that the cuddling and rhythmic motion simulates the safety of the womb. Another reason is that any cuddling and affection from caregivers help babies feel safe and secure. Children who have been neglected and abused in early childhood will rock as a form of self-soothing or stimulating their mind. As those children age they may continue to engage in that behavior automatically, when they are distressed, or trying to sleep. Once the child enters school, excessive rocking may bother other people. The child may be teased or reprimanded for the rocking, which may cause a deeper need for their calming behavior. To help a child stop rocking themselves, it helps if caregivers simply…rock the child themselves! Safe touches and gently rocking the child will soothe them, as well as provide the nurturance they need. If a teen or adult, regular cuddling and safe physical contact with a trusted loved one may also help stop the rocking. A similar habit hurt children may engage in is head-banging. The exact cause of head-banging is unknown, but it the behavior also stimulates and soothes abused children. However, unlike rocking, head-banging can become dangerous. Children can injure their heads and cause concussions if it’s done severely. If this happens the child (if very little) should be fitted with a protective helmet. If old enough to engage in therapy, the reasons behind head-banging should be explored. If the child’s head-banging is unattended, it could manifest into a form of self-harm in teen years and adulthood. Other rhythmic behaviors may include head-rolling, rocking furniture, and repeatedly patting or stroking something. If you engage in any of these behaviors and want to stop, learning new ways to calm and soothe yourself, as well as support from loved ones, and therapy may help.
*Please note: People with autism, mental retardation and sensory problems may engage in rhythmic behaviors. Self-soothing for someone with a disability like this is a bit different than abused children who are soothing and stimulating themselves. Many children with autism or retardation are incapable of finding calm even with caregivers’ help, but abused children are trying to make up for the lack of care.*
Self-Destructive Behaviors: With this being a self-harm support site, I almost feel the need not to write this. However, I’ll give a brief overview. All abused and neglected children are used to regular pain, emotional and physical. This can manifest into both desire to numb the pain, and a desire to control it. Those who try to numb the pain may turn to alcohol and drugs, or self-harm. Others who want to control the pain may also turn to self-harm, as well as eating disorders, or engaging in other risky behaviors like reckless driving. Abusive parents can react badly to many of these behaviors (as you probably know), and abuse their children more. Like many of the behaviors on this list, it only exacerbates the problem.
Sexualized Behaviors: Unlike the others, this subject is exclusive to children who have been sexually abused. First of all, I would like to say it IS normal for young children to touch themselves, and show curiosity about sexual things. Children who have not been exposed to anything sexual may masturbate or engage in consensual sex play with other children. But children who have been sexually abused know a lot more about sex than other children. They may say explicit, offensive and disturbing things to peers and adults. The child may act seductive toward other children or adults. This often happens because the child is unsure of how else to engage others, or believes that sexual behavior is how one is supposed to act. If the child is praised by an abuser for being sexual, s/he may think this is how to please others or be liked. This can have some pretty harsh results for both the abused child and any others involved. Adults may not know how to respond, and peers may avoid the child for being “weird” or “creepy”. While it is normal for children to explore their bodies and masturbate, sexually abused children know how to masturbate. They know which parts of their bodies to touch and what methods/actions will create the most pleasure. After recognizing sexual pleasure and how to do so, many abused children masturbate frequently. Sometimes children will do this in public (without understanding or caring about the social taboo) and get in trouble for it. Adults are extremely uncomfortable with the idea of children’s sexuality, and will often punish and shame children for touching themselves. Abused children already feel a great deal of shame, and any punishment or harsh words from adults may enforce their feelings of being dirty. Along with unacceptable public displays, many abused children get addicted to masturbation, and sexual stimulation in general. Sometimes children may engage in this behavior so much that they actually hurt themselves (whether intentional or unintentional). The sexually abused child understands that people’s bodies feel good when they are touched between their legs. A non-abused child may recognize sexual stimulation feels good, but not understand why, or that other people will also feel that way. Children who have been abused usually also have knowledge of how to sexually stimulate others, and regularly try to touch anyone they can. In cases where several children in a family or group are all abused, they may regularly engage in sexual contact with each other. While a non-abused child’s sex play is usually fueled by curiosity, an abused child’s sex play is fueled by a need for sexual satisfaction, control over others, or (as said earlier) a desire to be liked or praised. Sometimes an abused child might try to engage others sexually in play because s/he does not know any other way. Other times, that child may try to model abusive behaviors onto a younger or weaker child (or even animals). Whether the child is abusing others, or just engaging in intense sex play, it could land them in a lot of hot water. Often this behavior is a cry for help, and unfortunately most adults (even well-meaning ones) respond negatively. While an offending child needs to be stopped and prevented from hurting others, s/he must also be given protection and therapy. (Any children they abused must receive help as well!). When a sexually abused child enters pre-teen and teen years, s/he may engage is promiscuous behavior. This may be combination of a large sexual appetite, low self-esteem, and belief that it’s all they are good for. Of course no one is just “good for” sex, but it can be a hard thought process to break. For children and young teens who are removed from abuse, they must be treated delicately. The child must be taught appropriate behavior, and what things are ok and not ok to do or say with others. Usually this must be reinforced repeatedly, because it’s harder to unlearn already learned patterns. Sometimes if a child is addicted to sexual stimulation, s/he must be taught places and times it’s okay to have a little private time. Trying to stop a child from that all together will do more harm than good. In cases where siblings engage in sexual behavior together, they should be put in separate bedrooms and monitored carefully, as well as taught how to behave. If you’ve been sexually abused and you ever acted out sexually as a child, don’t worry. You were little and only trying to process the horribly traumatic things that were happening to you. You didn’t know any better. You are not dirty or bad. If you ever abused anyone or anything you can try to make amends for it now as an adult (or teen) by helping others, and maybe even those you hurt. If you still engage in a lot of over sexualized behaviors and/or are addicted to sex/masturbation, there is help. Along with therapy and support from loved ones there is a group called Sex Addicts Anonymous that can help. Just remember that in terms of sexualized behaviors in childhood—you were little. You were being/had been hurt and were just doing what you knew. It doesn’t make you a bad person.
Thumb Sucking & Other Oral Fixations: Many babies and young children suck their thumbs as a form of self-soothing. There has even been footage of babies sucking their thumbs in the womb. Abused children often have few comforts, except for primal ones from infancy. Because of this, many victims of child abuse suck their thumbs. It is also common for children who have been neglected in infancy and early childhood to do so. Sucking the thumb, as well as pacifiers/dummies, or other objects simulate nursing. Nursing represents not only nourishment, but affection, closeness and love. For some children sucking or chewing on their thumb or another object is the closest they have to maternal or paternal affection. Along with that, it is a pleasurable and comforting sensation for the child. Most parents and other adults discourage children from sucking their thumb when they enter the preschool age. It is considered an inherently “baby” habit, and can cause dental problems. There have been oodles of products created to inhibit thumb sucking, including foul tasting liquids to be put on the thumb, gloves and plastic contraptions for the hand, and even metal spikes on to the child’s teeth. Many abusive parents are angered by the sight of their child sucking his/her thumb, and torment and punish them for it. Other children may bully a thumb sucking child for “being a baby” as well, especially when s/he enters grade school. This, as well as abuse from home can create a lot of shame for a child. Even if s/he manages to keep thumbs and fingers out, necklaces, clothing, pens and other objects may find a way into the child’s mouth. For abused children, thumb sucking may last into teen years or adulthood. Even if they have outgrown always having their thumb in their mouth, it may continue at certain times. It’s common for children who suck their thumb to do so (or do it more) when they are falling sleep, after episodes of abuse, and when they are experiencing stress. It provides the child with the comfort that s/he so desperately needs. In my personal opinion, there is nothing harmful about thumb sucking, aside from possible dental issues. After all, it’s safer than more socially acceptable behaviors like smoking cigarettes. It is also safer than other “calming” behaviors abused children may use like self-harm and drug abuse. However, if an older abused child wishes to stop thumb sucking, it is possible through enough willpower, and possibly an issue to be brought up in therapy.
Last edited by troubleshooter : 28-01-2012 at 07:51 PM.
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