I just got out of a week in hospital and i feel it hasnt helped me at all! i still have a suicide plan and am still crying almost daily! i just cant handle life and anything anyone says to me doenst help in the slightest! i think people are starting to get annoyed at me for being depressive all the time but i just cant help it!
Please try and talk to your care co-ordinator about your feelings and thoughts. If it's easier - try and write it down and send it to her, or give it to her when you see her next.
I am here if you want to talk. I can always come over and we can do stuff together, if you want?
Please try and keep yourself safe.
"Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self esteem, first make sure you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes." - W. Gibson.
If they thought that you were making a big deal of nothing then they wouldn't put you back in hospital. Sometimes people don't know what to say to make things better- that might be the case here, even if they are professionals. Death is a very permanent solution to a problem that's temporary. Yes, you've had it a while but that doesn't commit you to life. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. Do you actually want to die or do you want everything to stop?
Like Sky Fairy said, could you try talking to your care co-ordinator at all?
i suppose i just want everything to stop, but by that i mean everything, like thoughts and feelings and i dont want to wrok or go to uni or wash or talk or see friends! i just want everything to not exsist!
im sorry, i need to talk to someone about anything! i feel like im going mad! i just got a load of emails from uni about work i missed and penilities ive got now and how i could fail my course! ive been told not to worry about it but i just cant help it! its all too much!
i want this to stop!
i need my plan on monday to work! i cant deal with this anymore! help, someone, anyone
im sorry, i need to talk to someone about anything! i feel like im going mad! i just got a load of emails from uni about work i missed and penilities ive got now and how i could fail my course! ive been told not to worry about it but i just cant help it! its all too much!
i want this to stop!
i need my plan on monday to work! i cant deal with this anymore! help, someone, anyone
I think you can get a Doctor's letter as well as letter from disability advisor your see, to say you were in hospital. You have medical reasons. I did it while I was at university..
"Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self esteem, first make sure you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes." - W. Gibson.
yer i have done all that already but it just seems like cos ive missed so much (well like three weeks) that catching up will be a nightmare! maybe i should just give up!
dont give up, hang in there please please please.
i know you are feeling it tough right now but things will get better, and if you need an extra admission to hospital then thats what you need and you may as well give that a shot before dying. give everythign a try before ending your own life. u coudl try treat the first admission as learning skills to use on the outside world to cope and then the second reporting and adapting those already learned skills to better your recovery.
keep in mind hospital is not a quick fix, it can help for a while but you need to apply those skills and keep on trying. x
thanks for the advice, i took an overdose the day after i came out of the inpaitent unit and i just got out of general hospital after having to be on a heart monitor with a pulse rate waaay to high that i almost went into cardic arrest! i was also on gas and air and had water retention so had to have a cathia put in ( a tube in the bladder) they couldnt find my veins so im likea pin cushion and brusied all over! i took the overdose on the way to see my cpn and doctor and when i got there i was staggering so much that they knew something was up! im just happy they did or i wouldnt have told them and would probably be dead by now!
it was such a degrading experience and i hope to never go through that again! i was told that i almost died and when i was told i kind of disapointed but i spent the day with my finace on the ward he cheered me up and we made plans for the future so i feel really postive at the moment
im still abit concerned though that i enjoyed the "high" i got from being soo zoned out! it almost killed me but its almost addictive that feeling of getting out of your head and not think about anything and having others care for you! so im abit worried but i have the htt now to talk to about it so hopefully they can help! im just trying to stay positive!
this be a warning to everyone! ODing is not a glamours way to go its horrible and embarrassing! im just trying to bear that in mind!
Shit polly! I'm sorry you have been through all that.
God, I can't believe we almost lost you.
Please please don't do anything else, talk to someone, text me, anything!
i think im addictied to the feeling! i want to do it again! i want to be cared for again! i liked the fact everyone was crowding around me concerned! does that make me selfish? i liked notr having to do anything and just sitting there having stuff done to me! i liked the zoned out feeling, not having to think! i like my doctor she was so sweet! and the psychatrist that looked like a magician with his wasit coat and pocket watch!
Where you the CAU yesterday by any chance?
I saw that psych too, I thought he was amazing. did he listen to you?
Hope you're feeling ok and its perfectly understandable to want to feel looked after when you've been feeling so rubbish for so long xx
I don't know what it stands for, john (one of the nurses) said he was seeing a patient in the CAU and then he'd be down to see me so i wondered if it was you.
I know they can be useless but if you feel in real danger phone the crisis line.
When are htt coming to see you?
xx
i dont remember a jhon but i was very zoned out so i might have seen him! my a and e nurses were amzing the ward nurses were abit bitchy! yer i will try caling the crisis line,
they are coming to see me tonight because im off to see my nan in hospital today! just got out of one and going to another xx
Do you think there's anything else that would help you to feel cared for and looked after at the moment, anything safer? Even something as simple as wrapping up tight in a blanket to feel a bit comforted, anything like that?
i think im addictied to the feeling! i want to do it again! i want to be cared for again! i liked the fact everyone was crowding around me concerned! does that make me selfish? i liked notr having to do anything and just sitting there having stuff done to me! i liked the zoned out feeling, not having to think! i like my doctor she was so sweet! and the psychatrist that looked like a magician with his wasit coat and pocket watch!
why cant i just be happy being normal?
x
Do you have a therapist? I mean a full time weekly therapist not just a community mental health nurse?
I don't think wanting to feel cared for is selfish but I do think it is unrealistic. There will come a point where you will push the people that care for you away if you continue down the path of doing this to get their concern. There are A LOT more healthier ways to feel loved and cared for and this is something a full time therapist will try and help you with.
It is hard not being a kid anymore and not having that person that will wrap you in their arms and make the demons go away. It is bloody hard knowing that this will never be the case anymore. Personal responsibility for our actions is the hardest lesson to learn....
I understand about wanting to be cared for, I often (and right now)want to be back in hospital for that reason. But I know I can't. People still care for you, I promise. I know it might not be as obvious as when you were in there but they do. Is ther anyone you can talk to about how youre feeling, I'm quite worried about you now. Please tell someone about your plan. stay safe.
i want to be cared for again! i liked the fact everyone was crowding around me concerned! does that make me selfish? i liked notr having to do anything and just sitting there having stuff done to me! i liked the zoned out feeling, not having to think! i like my doctor she was so sweet! and the psychatrist that looked like a magician with his wasit coat and pocket watch!
